I have often wondered how I survived my 20’s through 30s. Surely I kept my protecting angel very busy with so many dangerous near death mishaps.
I was a Heroin addict with a dangerous job. I was a prostitute who worked for herself. I ran the gamut of prostitution all the way from street level hitchhiking to the best of the best high class exquisite hotels and appointment with the rich and wealthy.
Betrayed by the Image of the Beast
In this day and age for those saved souls who know Jesus the most important prayer we can say may be “Father, let me NOT be deceived”.
Please watch the video above then read the short story or visa versa.
I want to tell you a story of heartfelt truth. It’s not a made up story but I may use some allegories. Picture a little girl. Little Elior is her name. Little Elior has parents who love her but they know little about emotional nurturing. They don’t know how confidence and self worth are built because, well they have little of their own…they punish by guilting and shaming. They punish by violence. Even the father “spanks” little Elior at a very young innocent age. Naturally little Elior believes if her father hits her she deserves to be hit. And the messages she repeatedly got from school, & parents were that she, not her actions were bad and wrong.
Suboxone Creator’s Shocking Scheme to Profit Off of Heroin Addicts
The company behind America’s most popular drug to treat addicts actually claimed its pills could kill kids to get a new patent and $1 billion.
Reckitt Benckiser’s patent for its opiate-treatment drug Suboxone expired, opening the gates for cheaper generic versions of the medication to hit the market. At stake was the loss of the company’s 85 percent hold on the market for medication-assisted treatment, which was booming thanks to the growing opiate epidemic. Hundreds of millions stood to be lost from the patent’s expiration.
And Begin To Heal from Shame & Repressed Fear of who we are.
We have a choice to make today toward our fellows posts and in meetings. We either search our psyche & heart to RELATE to what they are saying and promote healing, OR we take out our RED PEN and GRADE their share as if we are the disgruntled school master and the share was written by the bully of our classroom whom we want to hurt because we were so badly hurt. Or worse, he made us look inferior we perceive. And finally if someone posts something we don’t agree with we must DEFEND
Is Google on our side? Do we have good reason to Love Google? Or are we deceived? More will be revealed, and more to come
I am watching to see as my most informative Youtube channels of truth seekers are systematically deleted. Lets hope Info-wars reports are wrong about this and that Google does have our best interest at heart as I hope to believe.
Mike Adams’, The Health Ranger YouTube channel has been terminated.
If you have the cajonies to look at your life with clarity and truth.
War for profit shows the mentality of the men and women who rule the Earth and what they are concerned with primarily. We are roaches to many of them. And our self
esteem/ADDICTION problems are directly related to the indoctrination we suffered in schools, and our parents endured as well in the U.S. Does this mean we don’t do a personal
inventory? Hell no! It means we need to see the big picture of why our lives really went south and what was behind it. TV, education, poison foods, all part of our slave
mentality indoctrination. We were DEMORALIZED WAY BEFORE WE COMMITTED OUR FIRST WRONG to others. Credit where credit is due. THERE IS NO DISEASE OF ADDICTION. DRUGS WERE OUR
ATTEMPT AT A SOLUTION TO THE PAIN WE HID DEEP INSIDE US FOR SO LONG.
Addicts should look at and process of both wrongs committed and wrongs suffered to fully recover. When we enter the realm of understanding and acceptance, we abandon deep denial, that is when addiction is no longer baffling to us. We label it a “disease” which gets us nowhere in progressive understanding of ourselves but instead we become open to emotional vulnerability in ourselves. Then we can start understanding how and why we were in so much emotional pain at a young age and forward.
Don’t you see my friend? If I call addiction a disease it will always be baffling to me and I will never get to know myself at a core level with both acceptance and understanding, forgiveness, and mesh my addict self with Love to my healthy patterns, and nurture that part of me back to health.
Calling the addict part of me a “disease” is a label of negativity. As if part of me is reprehensible and beyond repair, this is no true. Yes addiction is spiritual, but first it’s emotional. My sick emotions open the door for the demon of addiction to abide. When I Love that emotional part of me back to health I then dispel the hateful addict demon that latched itself to my feelings of inferiority and deep hidden fear.
I expose my fear to the light of empathy and fellowship in the name of truth and transparency of self. I quit hiding fear away as if it were a sign of “shitty recovery” to experience it. I now understand fear is and always was a part of the human condition therefore I stop being ashamed of fear, and instead I share it and write down on my FEAR LIST just as directed in the fourth step of the Big Book instructions. You know the fear list that NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT OR MENTIONS ON YOUR FOURTH STEP…..HELLO!
What else? Well how about I need at LEAST one person I can tell anything to. I now need to relieve myself of guilt and shame the culprits of my sick emotional state. WE ARE AS SICK AS OUR SECRETS. You will never gain self Love and confidence if you do not know who the hell you are to begin with. WE must finally accept our vulnerable sides in spite of the brainwashing we all have experienced in society, from TV, educational indoctrination, and our parents misconceptions of what is and isn’t permissible in behaviors.
YOU HAVE BEEN SHUT DOWN by parents and societal norms and status quos. It’s time to find out who you are and why you were so ashamed of you. People who hide who they are put a box around their own hearts. By this they make themselves very very sick. THE ELITE WHO BRAINWASHED YOU AS THE AGES OF 1-7 KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT TAKES TO SHUT YOU UP AND MAKE YOU SICK. Think I am kidding? Or wrong maybe? I challenge you this…research food as long as I have and you will see their are very evil and extremely knowledgeable people running this show. It is those elite 1% who have intentionally brought you and many others like you and me to our knees with their drugs and psyop programs.
We MUST abandoned our carnal, primal emotional survival skills of denial in the form of blame, self deception, and covering our childhood with a painting based in pact mentality where our parents and childhood was just fine. BULLSHIT! If our emotionally charged childhoods were so fine we would not be pegged for self loathing drizzled with self destruction. Face the truth and recovery. Stay in a picture perfect world and remain sick with sick emotional patterns.
If we keep an open mind and get a good therapist along with a 12 step program we will figure out why we were in so much emotional pain for so long. We should learn emotional tools that we use to process that pain, and really get to know who we are and love and forgive ourselves. The problem with addicts is they cannot bear to expose vulnerabilities emotionally. WE SIMPLY MUST EXAMINE childhood HURT, ANGER, AND FEAR to recover in the real world.
The first 2/3 of my life sucked. If someone would have told me I was in purgatory I would have believed it easily even though I didn’t believe in purgatory at the time. Until I had a certain dreams which were reality.
The whole story and dream are at this link.
Read this story and find your answer.
There was a blessed spirit in Heaven it could fly; it was completely sustained by the light of God that was readily available in the beyond where it existed. We will call the blessed spirit Elior. Elior could travel from realm to realm, planet to planet; dimension to dimension he could take any shape he wanted. The realm that housed the seven Earths (God did create seven) were only one of the realms that Elior had toured. There was a realm called “Ecstasy”, the realm of “Wisdom”, the powerful realm of “Love”, there was a realm called “The knowledge of every universe”. Elior could help any creature or being that he desired…he did much good and had powerful knowledge as a supernatural entity.
One day during a great rebellion in Heaven by an angel named
Every addict has one thing in common, self punishment. Until we figure out and heal from whatever it is we feel we must punish ourselves for our addiction will remain a mystery. Clearly those who punish themselves must in some subconscious way feel they can beat themselves to a point of rendering their identity clean and clear from self loathing once again.
However, that is a sick attempts at getting well. It’s an attempt which is seldom realized by the punisher. And while we are in this state we also project our punishing onto those around us, often those we love most.
In The Beginning
My answer to the question “what was I numbing when I was using drugs and alcohol addictively?”
I had to numb my fear, shame, and intense feeling of inferiority.
For me, at a young age I was taught (in so many words and lessons)
that the whole world of people were all superior to me in every way. And that everything about me was wrong both inside and out. Therefore, I had to hide my
identity so no one would see how bad and wrong I was. Of course I had no idea of this at the time.
It took years of work to understand the emotional inner workings of my subconscious.
And so with this starke, devastating truth of who and what I was (inferior) I had to shut down and transform into someone else.
I (my true heart) became a prisoner in my own
mind always living/acting as status quos dictated, trying to be someone else. I was sold a bill
of goods and commenced to live up to what I was sold.
Wake up! In the next 20 years technology will (if corporate rulers succeed) take, remove, make obsolete to humans HALF the jobs on the face of the Earth. That is 2 billion jobs in 20 years will be LOST to AI (artificial intelligence). No wonder the Georgia guide stones and elite rulers want to do away with 2/3 of the Earths population. Keep eating the poison people. Munch down on those heavy metals. Yum yum please put more aluminum in my biscuits. DUMB ME DOWN.
After being in numerous Facebook recovery groups for a number of years. I have made numerous attempts at sharing vital information pertaining to real healing and recovery. Unfortunately, I am convinced that the addicts head does not pop out of his own ass until the seventh year of sobriety. Omg! At least that is my own experience. It’s also my observation. What do I mean? It means alcoholics are not able to process information freely and unhindered. It’s a horrible mental state of tightly boxed/cemented ideals, preconceived notions that have to fit into the numbered boxes which the addict has created from their past interactions. Passing judgement is a sad replacement for open minded consideration and critical thinking. And these are the skills we need to develop in recovery to live in truth instead of a fairyland. It’s not until year seven that the addict can perceive without prejudices, pat conclusions, biased, and other bullshit principals that are based in fear and are nothing short of chained and oppressed mental processes. Hate me for it but FREE YOUR MIND!
The system is THE BEAST and it has programmed us since childhood. And not in a good way. Wake Up!
Addiction and self destructive habits start with a “demoralizing of our view of self”.IT STARTS IN SCHOOL OR PRIOR. We are poisoned be chemicals in the womb.
Our education did just what it was supposed to do, show us how worthless we are. That we need the system to care for and protect us. BUT NOW THEY POISON US WITH THEIR CHEMICALS, GEO-ENGINEERING, TOXIC SMOKE RETARDANTS, POISON DRUGS, POLLUTION BY DISPOSABLE CONSUMER PRODUCTS.
What did you learn in school today child?
What did they feed your soul?
What did they feed your body?
Most of the AA income to GSO comes from sales of AA approved literature. At this time we at group level have no say or power over AA’s choice to turn it into BIG BUSINESS in New York New York. They have no intention on changing this and are clearly in violation of the seventh tradition.
Disclaimer: Recovery Farmhouse is not any sect of Alcoholics Anonymous. RFH is providing information to anyone interested in recovery addiction step work and 12 step programs. This article is for informational purposes only and means to incite no accusations against AA or its non addict paid servant board of directors and officers.
How did Bill Wilson preserve the power of the top of the Triangle of AA meaning the group’s members authority?
click here to read BILL WILSON’S ANSWER (OR click “continue reading” below if you’re on the homepage.)
Clearly the largest part of AA’s income comes from literature sales therefore my next article will be on how group members have or have not any power whatsoever related to those millions of dollars or any say at all in what that money is used for. Clearly the Big Book proceeds go to the family of Lois Wilson as she instructed in her will. She did leave much of her estate to the Stepping Stones foundation. The Foundation, created by Lois Wilson in 1979, maintains the home, its contents … “If the fellowship is an extension of my family then Stepping Stones is home.”
It seems there is some confusion to my motives among some members of our group. I want to clarify. I also invite writers to share their experience, strength, and hope by sending me your articles to put into print. Join the group here https://www.facebook.com/groups/2247449301/
Care and fear are two different things. I care about all your opinions and beliefs. I care about my reputation and what you think of me. This makes me human not weak. Can I control it? Of course not. Can I make you like me or change your opinions? No only you can do that but I can shed light on my own motives.
My name is Laura Edgar. I got sober in 2006 and have stayed sober in AA and with therapy and spirituality for 7 years then I quit going to meetings. That was about five years ago, I am still sober presently and have nearly 12 years with very few meetings in the last five years. Do I recommends this? No. Do I believe you can do the same? Absolutely and here is how.
THE BAFFLING PART OF ADDICTION EXPLAINED. How does an emotional pain morph into spiritual blindness and darkness that would cause a man to self destruct?
Clearing up the EMOTIONAL wreckage of the past makes us less vulnerable to actions of fear and hurt toward self and others. Confessing our greatest fear(s) DOES render them powerless over us. In this sense we ARE as sick as our secrets. Shame is the leverage of darkness. Yet “shame” is something humans seldom want to explore within themselves to irrigate it with light. Why?
Please try to apply this to yourself or it won’t do you any good. Open your mind to free your identity.
Prayer and step three are a prerequisite to all recovery steps and exercises for guidance and direction, for revelation, and epiphany, for self awareness and cutting through the ego .
AA status quos are the AA Juggernauts that can kill you. We must allow ourselves to become vulnerable emotionally if we are going to heal. We must not allow our intellect to stifle what our heart needs to say. The AA Juggernaut is to follow socially acceptable rules during our recovery process. By this we would cover up our heart and hide it from real recovery.
My recovery from addiction in short has been about
And I thought it was just the addicts cross to bear.