Tag: recovery cliche run rampant

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I WON’T CO-SIGN YOUR BULLSHIT!

“I WON’T CO-SIGN YOUR BULLSHIT!”

Scream the 12 step sponsors to the detriment of their heartsick fellows! There is a great need in AA to understand the difference between co-signing bull shit and showing Love by exerting understanding, compassion, and care.

There is a great need to understand the difference between self-pity and the expression of valid feelings such as anger, and hurt.

Human feelings that result from an abusive past need expressed for us to stay or get sane.

The words, “I know how you feel, you have a right to feel your pain, grieve and to process your hurt…even if, the feelings derive from years prior” are words that can heal a heart. Most addicts have stuffed down tears for years that desperately needed to be cried for us to attain emotional balance and healing. Usually when we get clean & sober all our un-cried tears come to the surface and scream to get out. We then ask ourselves: “What’s wrong with me, why am I so depressed, nothing bad is going on right now? Next our sponsors quickly tell us to “get over it and write a gratitude list” as they watch us slam the door in the face of AA.

Gratitude lists work great for those stomping their feet because things are not going their way (self-pity). However when it comes to the horrible feelings of grief that result from abuse, abandonment, neglect and other childhood trauma all our sponsors suggestion does is add to our low self-image and push us out the doors.

The most common “grave emotional disorder” that addicts in the rooms suffer from is the inability to process deep hurts and trauma inflicted as children & sometimes through adulthood. We have turned our hurt to anger and continually search for a scape-goat to blame for our intolerable feelings. Our hurts have morphed into anger because “grief”, unless short lived and a result of the death of a loved one is unacceptable in our society. When we experience any other cause of emotional pain except what’s socially acceptable we are often told to just “GET OVER IT!” So driven by shame we bone-up, pretend we are tuff-girls and boys, file our feelings under the “wrong and weak” category in our hearts and make ourselves sick till we have no other solution except to numb that which we have labeled “Invalid feelings”.

Is it no wonder that when one of us relapses so many seem to be so devastated by it…

even when we scarcely know the person who went back out? We are desperate to let out some of our grief in a way that is acceptable to our fellows. We all step up our meetings and talk about our pain and loss when it usually has nothing to do with the guy who just relapsed who we have never invited to our home by the way.

The need for validation of our deep hurt is huge and necessary for healing. It’s hard for us in recovery to see when we are stuffing down a pain that really needs to be expressed. Few of us were taught by example or in school that it’s ok to scream and cry feelings out, or that crying is a part of emotional health.

Grave emotional disorders

are not healed by just writing down [our part] and transferring all the blame from one scape goat to the next; [ourselves]. Please don’t hear what I am not saying…we addicts have boatloads of character defects that we need to work on however, not all grave emotional disorder is solved by doing a guilt based fourth step. Furthermore, if Bill W. would have had a course in empathic healing and were taught that his feelings are valid and how to emotionally process them he may not have spent at least 12 years sober and depressed trying so many therapies and pharmaceutical remedies.

Typically Bill was too hard on himself. There comes a time when we must pause from blaming ourselves for where we are at emotionally if we are to find answers and heal. There comes a time when we should realize that we were dealt a mistaken hand where our understanding of emotions is concerned and the steps don’t fix everything.

THERE IS NO WRONG FEELING

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AA Tradition Ten Again

What Tradition Ten is actually about  .

Above is the LINK to the long version of tradition 10 however to fully understand the tradition it should be read in the Twelve and Twelve.  

Tradition Ten According to AA Dogma Not the whole picture.  I don’t implicate AA because I have an opinion.  I implicate AA if I am speaking in a professional capacity for AA. and it’s groups, or offices.
Tradition Ten apparently not a long enough version 10. No A.A. group or member should ever, in such a way as to implicate A.A., express any opinion on outside controversial issues — particularly those of politics, alcohol reform, or sectarian religion. The Alcoholics Anonymous groups oppose no one. Concerning such matters they can express no views whatever.

Sorry guys I took the filters off for this article mainly because I have repeatedly been told I don’t have a right to express my own opinion because of Tradition Ten, ABSURD HUH?  And we wonder why people think AA is a cult.

The AA Cliché as a Weapon of War Comes from a Broken Heart and a misguided mind.

Disclaimer: Not everyone uses these cliches with the motives of a killer.  Some people say them in kindness and a helpful spirit.

  1. What does “keep coming back” really mean?

You’re an ass hole and don’t know shit about sobriety, I am way more emotionally sober than you are you need way more meetings than I do.

 

  1. Some are sicker than others:

You’re a sick bastard way more fucked up than I ever was when I got here so you need more meetings than I do.

  1. “Gratitude is an action” Right, come along we are going gratituding tonight. Right; makes perfect sense.

To the Pirate AA dictionary scholar.

  1. ‘Time takes time’ Brilliant saying simple and profound and lets not leave out redundant as hell, redundancy is redundant after all.
  2. Tradition Ten has morphed: It started out as a rule for those who speak for the whole of AA.  AA AS A WHOLE takes no official view or opinions on outside issues read it in the Twelve and Twelve under ‘Tradition Ten’.

        Morphism-We members are not allowed to have an opinion on politics or religion or anything and everything called outside issues.  And if I don’t like your opinion I will stamp ‘outside issue’ on it and shut your ass down fast.  Right, another AA cliché sword that holds no truth whatsoever.  Hello, we got sober to gain enough self-esteem to grow into who we are and what our views are and if we express them, it is a good thing.  No opinion my ass.  There are very few people who speak for the whole of AA. and they are the only ones who must not co-sign on outside issues WHEN SPEAKING FOR THE WHOLE of AA in a formal and professional capacity and a trusted servant of AA.  If you think, you’re not allowed to have an opinion on outside issues keep your fucking opinion to yourself.  Also AA groups should be included in speaking for AA in any capacity and Tradition Ten Law.  Plain and simple when I am not speaking for AA I can have and express my opinion.   

  1. Anger is a character defect and should quickly be suppressed so it will come out sideways later on at the one’s you love most.   Just like we no longer get resentments once we are sober.  Well I resent all the bullshit I have heard in the rooms and this is me getting it out.  Hurt or fear fuel anger or control issues I will get to that later.  Anger is a God given emotion that can be dealt with by crying, journaling, screaming in your car, guttural sounds, and talking things out. 

 

 

 

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It’s None of My Business What People Think of Me?

From the time we snuggle close to our mothers breast as new-born infants till the day we lye on our death-bed we crave care and Love.   Perhaps we are praying we won’t die alone.   It is a natural and good thing to care that our friends, lovers, and  family do love us enough to be near.  Even to our neighbors who we don’t really know we hope to look good.  We dress well, and buy nice things to make us look good.   Its natural to the human condition to want to be admired.  Socially humans are built to care about their reputations and what others think of them.

It isn’t weak or demeaning to want to be loved.  On the contrary it is a natural desire to want to be desired and cared about. A “good reputation” is a valuable component of our self-esteem.

Caring what people think of us is an important human societal trait.   Social structural norms like working toward a good reputation can change the coarse of a life for the good.    To put a healthy value on what people think of us can highly impact our goals, careers, accomplishments, and the way we treat other people.  We should treat others the way we want to be treated , this ties in closely to the desire to be liked and respected.

It is when this desire runs rampant to the point of fear and obsession it isn’t good.  Fear of what people think of us moves us into unhealthy behaviors.  We don’t need to swing to a polar opposite in a struggle to overcome the fear of what people think of us by pretending we don’t care at all or by saying  “it’s none of my business what people think of me”.  Which if you don’t go to AA you probably don’t know this statement is said allot around the rooms.  It’s a coy verbal act to overcome fear.  Even the phrase “It’s none of your business” is crass and disrespectful and typically used abruptly as an angry response.  That is not the tone I want to use toward anyone.   Saying ‘I don’t care what anyone thinks of me’ supplies a false sense of superiority.

If I truly didn’t care what anyone thought of me  I may be more prone to irresponsible actions with no value of what people would say or think, no social consequences per say.  Best I keep my natural desires to please others.  Who doesn’t like to hear the words ‘I love and care for you’?  Sociopaths, folks that thrive on hate and narcissists.

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