Addicts should look at and process of both wrongs committed and wrongs suffered to fully recover. When we enter the realm of understanding and acceptance, we abandon deep denial, that is when addiction is no longer baffling to us. We label it a “disease” which gets us nowhere in progressive understanding of ourselves but instead we become open to emotional vulnerability in ourselves. Then we can start understanding how and why we were in so much emotional pain at a young age and forward.
Don’t you see my friend? If I call addiction a disease it will always be baffling to me and I will never get to know myself at a core level with both acceptance and understanding, forgiveness, and mesh my addict self with Love to my healthy patterns, and nurture that part of me back to health.
Calling the addict part of me a “disease” is a label of negativity. As if part of me is reprehensible and beyond repair, this is no true. Yes addiction is spiritual, but first it’s emotional. My sick emotions open the door for the demon of addiction to abide. When I Love that emotional part of me back to health I then dispel the hateful addict demon that latched itself to my feelings of inferiority and deep hidden fear.
I expose my fear to the light of empathy and fellowship in the name of truth and transparency of self. I quit hiding fear away as if it were a sign of “shitty recovery” to experience it. I now understand fear is and always was a part of the human condition therefore I stop being ashamed of fear, and instead I share it and write down on my FEAR LIST just as directed in the fourth step of the Big Book instructions. You know the fear list that NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT OR MENTIONS ON YOUR FOURTH STEP…..HELLO!
What else? Well how about I need at LEAST one person I can tell anything to. I now need to relieve myself of guilt and shame the culprits of my sick emotional state. WE ARE AS SICK AS OUR SECRETS. You will never gain self Love and confidence if you do not know who the hell you are to begin with. WE must finally accept our vulnerable sides in spite of the brainwashing we all have experienced in society, from TV, educational indoctrination, and our parents misconceptions of what is and isn’t permissible in behaviors.
YOU HAVE BEEN SHUT DOWN by parents and societal norms and status quos. It’s time to find out who you are and why you were so ashamed of you. People who hide who they are put a box around their own hearts. By this they make themselves very very sick. THE ELITE WHO BRAINWASHED YOU AS THE AGES OF 1-7 KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT TAKES TO SHUT YOU UP AND MAKE YOU SICK. Think I am kidding? Or wrong maybe? I challenge you this…research food as long as I have and you will see their are very evil and extremely knowledgeable people running this show. It is those elite 1% who have intentionally brought you and many others like you and me to our knees with their drugs and psyop programs.
We MUST abandoned our carnal, primal emotional survival skills of denial in the form of blame, self deception, and covering our childhood with a painting based in pact mentality where our parents and childhood was just fine. BULLSHIT! If our emotionally charged childhoods were so fine we would not be pegged for self loathing drizzled with self destruction. Face the truth and recovery. Stay in a picture perfect world and remain sick with sick emotional patterns.
If we keep an open mind and get a good therapist along with a 12 step program we will figure out why we were in so much emotional pain for so long. We should learn emotional tools that we use to process that pain, and really get to know who we are and love and forgive ourselves. The problem with addicts is they cannot bear to expose vulnerabilities emotionally. WE SIMPLY MUST EXAMINE childhood HURT, ANGER, AND FEAR to recover in the real world.
The first 2/3 of my life sucked. If someone would have told me I was in purgatory I would have believed it easily even though I didn’t believe in purgatory at the time. Until I had a certain dreams which were reality.
The whole story and dream are at this link.