Page 64 Big Book: Our liquor was but a symptom. We HAD TO get down to causes and conditions.
In recovery we should have at least one person we can tell anything. Step Five (skip to Star Trek clip) Captain Kirk talks about Spoks, Bones, and his own pain.
Sharing from our heart especially the things that bring us shame, are imperative to share if we are to recover. Recovery is not just quiting drinking but also to emotionally heal. We won’t recover without the component of emotional transparency. Oh sure we can quit drinking by the art of distraction but we will need meetings the rest of our lives if we don’t address our real reasons for wanting to numb our capacity to feel.
And as soon as we let up on the spiritual program, and let-up we will, we shall crash and burn because the reason we drank to begin with is unchecked and will re-surface. We will find ourselves hiding in secret once again. How are you? Our friends may ask…”I am fine” we say. F.I.N.E. =fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional.
IS IT REALLY SUCH A SHAME TO BE NOT OK? WE MUST REMOVE THE MASK OF FALSE STATUS. PLEASE SHARE WITH THE NEWCOMER THAT IT’S OK TO FEEL LIKE SHIT. LET PEOPLE KNOW THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT. LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT IT’S NOT WRONG TO FEEL BAD. ALLOW OUR FELLOWS TO BE REAL. I am not okay and you are not okay and that’s okay.
When we finally quit struggling against our emotions, when we finally quit fighting to crush our pain and hide it away then we can cry, scream, let out the original pain that caused our emotional disorder for so many years.
“I DON’T WANT MY PAIN TAKEN AWAY, I NEED MY PAIN!” Cries Captain Kirk
Captain Kirk acknowledged his pain but that was as far as he would go by god!
Truly the writer of this episode was self aware and knew the value of addressing life’s deepest emotional wounds. Bringing up the past and crying over it seems counter productive to many. And saying the way I just did enforces that theory. But I know different. Why? Pain takes on a life of it’s own in our bodies. If the healthy emotional outlets have been stifled by shame. If we have been taught our feelings are wrong. Then we don’t give place to validating our pain and then letting it out by writing, moaning, crying, more writing, sharing, screaming in a safe place. Pain is not supposed to stay inside. It’s to be let out by healthy emotional processes. If something stops that up such as false pride, shame on top of shame, or self invalidation, then it will live inside us and make us sick. It’s that fricking simple. The cure to addiction is letting out the fricking pain. And the rest of the new life type skill you learn in AA. And the fulfillment of 12 step work, meetings as a comparison tool. But if you heal you won’t need meetings any more.
in this priceless scene Star Trek V The Final Frontier – McCoy & Spock confront their pain. And he is right our pain is part of who we are and we all have it. But if it drives us to self destruct then it’s time to address the unexpressed versions of our most intense emotional traumas.
If we are to regain self-worth, esteem and a reason to stay sober we must set new life goals and have a purpose. But more importantly we must have at least one person we can tell anything. We must have an on-going way to process our intense feelings to more than just God. Confessing to God does not lend us humility. Our path to humility is in steps five and nine. These steps are merely blue prints of what needs done the rest of our lives. Not just once. And not just confessing the things we are comfortable confessing. OH NO! If we are not extremely uncomfortable when confessing then chances are we are still hiding our shame. “I was wrong” “I am afraid” “I am ashamed of myself” “I want people to like me” “I fear people won’t like me”, “I just want to be Loved”. “I am afraid other people are better than me.” “If I tell the truth people will not like me” “If I am truthful no one will love me”. “I feel insecure”. If you have not found this part of your humanity you may have a block. The block is in place for your own survival. But if you want to truly recover and heal the inner child must be recognized, validated, and nurtured by your whole being. Don’t push the very part of your humanity down so deep it makes healing imposible and self-awareness unattainable.