Learn the Why Behind the Addiction.
I used to revel in the fact that addiction is hereditary, genetic even. I used to be conformed to the idea since addiction is genetic it relieves me of all responsibility and renders me powerless over the past, present, and future. I thought I had to pick up. I thought I had no choice. I was compelled and even after years of sobriety I was convinced that I was basically a victim of the DISEASE of addiction. And that I also would require treatment for that addiction the rest of my life. Furthermore I was conditioned in AA to call myself a never-ending “alcoholic/addict” and if I ever thought I was getting well I was in grave danger of relapse and highly delusional.
Well it’s no wonder I adhered so staunchly to such precepts considering I do come from a long line of addicts. These ideals relived me of much guilt. I was finally able to put a “why” on my torn personality. And torn it was, fighting itself to not do what I was compelled at the time to do.
So what changed? What happened? Why do I now believe that my addiction was not cause by some obscure gene pool swimming around in my DNA. Why now do I believe it was nurture or more appropriately a lack of emotional nurturing which caused my sickness? Well it’s like this, after ten years of prayer, meditation, meetings, and a year of very enlightening therapy I have realized the true “why” behind my drinking and drugging. Not only that, I also believe most people drink and drug for pretty much the same reasons I did. Reasons being 1.Shame, 2.pain, 3. an inability to process and deal with feelings. 4. fear of feeling feelings. 5. And finally a lack of God in my life.
Once I cried and screamed out the core issues from childhood which haunted me and were so, so painful I was able to quit being so afraid of my feelings. Once I worked step 12 for so long I gained true self worth. Once I realized God really does have my back and finalized my step three my fears were lessened. Once I learned how to use a fourth step to my advantage including the “fear list” which people seldom talk about anywhere in AA. Not to mention once I saw the popular misconceptions and scare methodologies in AA and moved away from such precepts of bondage I realized, I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. And I always had a choice. I am not some genetic victim who needs AA for the rest of my life. Furthermore that is NOT what is taught in the Big Book nor was AA ever intended to be a life-long dependency.
Oh yes I see the old timers sitting around in meetings talking about how they are just as close to a drink than anyone and that they are still so, so sick. Well true if we don’t do the work both step work, spiritual work, and therapy work yes we will always have no advantages over the wet drunk off the street. But if a man has done the work in these three areas and still considers himself as sick as the foggy eyed newly sober man, then he is a dry drunk and has done nothing to allow himself to heal. And if we have truly worked the program for a number of years and are no better off than the new-comer who has done no work and has no knowledge of the twelve steps then that speaks for itself a program which is basically worthless. To say I am still sick is to say the program does not work and my spiritual condition benefited nothing from steps 3 and eleven. These dogmatic concepts are clearly “false humility” at work. It is both dishonest and a false testament to lie about the progress which AA provides. It is clearly rampant false humility to pretend we are in a no better position than the new comer.
Furthermore what man sits in meeting after meeting swearing that someone other than himself “is the most important one in the room”? More bullshit clearly or am I the only one who goes to AA for his own sobriety? I have no control over the new comer and he is not more important than me, sorry. Really?
It’s a choice and I choose to be well. http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net/addict-gene/