AA Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? Damn right we can.
“You’re a little late..I’m already torn, torn.”
It is progress to realize one is emotionally torn. This is the first step in emotional healing. Emotions, Body, and spirit in us are as one….We need not label our emotions “bad” or “weak” but rather embrace them as part of us. Take up the defensive angry screaming ego known as the “committee” and nurture that part of ourselves with Love, comfort, and assurance. During step eleven meditations I can reassure that part of me which is defensively reactionary when fear is triggered.
My “addict” (persay) wears a stone cold armor of defense and blame so I assure her/him that everything is going to be okay. To heal that part of myself who plays the destructive addict role I first need to accept that she/he is “torn” and hurt rather than “bad, weak, wrong”. And that she is scared. She just needs some loving assurance and to be included in my identity as part of my Love of self. Rather than taking her, labelling her “sick addict” and casting her out as an “evil dog” standing outside the doors of AA doing pushups waiting to kill me.” NO THAT CREATURE DOING PUSHUPS IS PART OF ME. How else can I heal that part of myself unless I acknowledge her as me?
Every part in me is deserving of Love not rejection. Rejecting the hurt part of me is what causes my grave emotional disorder. I cannot emotionally nurture something I claim is the spawn of Satan or some disease. Rejection/denial of self never worked anyway to get me sober.
So I include the addict in my step eleven meditation with positive affirmations. I don’t have the right to call a huge part of my personality some evil entity as if it were not me. There will be no healing true inner healing until I let that part of my heart have a say on paper, in meditation, in sharing.
She is torn not alien/Satan. But she will take on a life of her own the longer she is alienated and invalidated by my own intellect. If you like this…https://www.recoveryfarmhouse.com for more articles.