AA Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? Damn right we can.
“You’re a little late..I’m already torn, torn.”

It is progress to realize one is emotionally torn. This is the first step in emotional healing. Emotions, Body, and spirit in us are as one….We need not label our emotions “bad” or “weak” but rather embrace them as part of us. Take up the defensive angry screaming ego known as the “committee” and nurture that part of ourselves with Love, comfort, and assurance. During step eleven meditations I can reassure that part of me which is defensively reactionary when fear is triggered.

My “addict” (persay) wears a stone cold armor of defense and blame so I assure her/him that everything is going to be okay. To heal that part of myself who plays the destructive addict role I first need to accept that she/he is “torn” and hurt rather than “bad, weak, wrong”. And that she is scared.  She just needs some loving assurance and to be included in my identity as part of my Love of self. Rather than taking her, labelling her “sick addict” and casting her out as an “evil dog”  standing outside the doors of AA doing pushups waiting to kill me.” NO THAT CREATURE DOING PUSHUPS IS PART OF ME. How else can I heal that part of myself unless I acknowledge her as me?

Every part in me is deserving of Love not rejection. Rejecting the hurt part of me is what causes my grave emotional disorder.  I cannot emotionally nurture something I claim is the spawn of Satan or some disease.  Rejection/denial of self never worked anyway to get me sober.

So I include the addict in my step eleven meditation with positive affirmations. I don’t have the right to call a huge part of my personality some evil entity as if it were not me. There will be no healing true inner healing until I let that part of my heart have a say on paper, in meditation, in sharing.

She is torn not alien/Satan. But she will take on a life of her own the longer she is alienated and invalidated by my own intellect.   If you like this…https://www.recoveryfarmhouse.com for more articles.

Click here to read Dr. Bob’s Last Major Talk

Commentary of controversy:

Dr. Bob exhibits a degree of insecurity about staying sober in the essay below.   Dr. Bob mentions that when he thinks about having a drink (at 13 years sober) he knows what to do, he goes to see the boys in detox.

Yes an ego based sense of security in recovery can be a dangerous road to relapse no matter how long we have been sober.  Sobriety time is not what keeps us sober.  But there is a thing called healthy security based and grounded in 12 step work, a relationship with God and the knowledge the program works.

Seems to me there are quite a few addicts who don’t know the difference between ego false pride the dangerous kind and healthy self confidence.  Seems some addicts think they have to exhibit false humility to stay sober.  We in AA routinely socially punch holes in our overall worth in spite of our child of God status.

So what?  If I finally learn/build some self esteem from doing the 12 step work I now need to negate it with false humility?   If we know the program works, and we have a choice then why would our sobriety be built on thin ice?  And why would me announcing my thin ice foundation be anything more than a public exhibit of false humility.

Typical statements by people with years sober: “I am no more secure than someone who just walked in AA and knows absolutely nothing about staying sober”, or “I am an arms length from the next drink just like the gutter drunk who doesn’t know the 12 steps”.  When does years of sobriety and knowledge become self confidence?  Seriously it’s not insecurity or fear that keeps us sober.  It’s not downgrading our recovery that keeps us sober.

 Bill and Bob were typically way too hard on themselves judging by their writings.  Our founders so fiercely guarded themselves against their ego and false pride that they took it to the next level of glaring false humility clear and simple.  They took their pearls of self esteem and personal growth and demanded they be trampled by swine and covered in mud.  As do many in AA who don’t recognize the bi-products of true self worth.

The old timers sometimes hold up their banner of worthlessness as if that alone is what keeps them safe from liquor.    This is what is being taught, it’s not our fault.  It’s been passed down for generations of AA.

Understandably, these, our sober leaders routinely made certain that people wouldn’t think so damn highly of them by putting them on a pedestal and I can’t blame them.  Look how we have turned Bill W. into a God breathed Icon of worship.    Perhaps that was Bill and Bob’s real core fear of their peers, that if people thought too highly of them they could only fail.  At God status they couldn’t go anywhere but down as long as they were alive anyway.

We can never live up to people’s false expectations of a God status…that is unless you’re already dead.   Perhaps that was part of the reason they did de-throne themselves on a regular basis.

  Follow the leader…false humility is rampant in AA.  Putting myself down after years of sobriety, announcing my worthlessness, telling people how bad I am and finally letting them know I don’t know shit about staying sober is a lie.  When things are not true that’s a good sign they are springing from some character defect or another.  Fear and insecurity is not part of the 12 steps is it?  Granted please don’t confuse this with the benefits of sharing fears to get them out of our heads so they lose power over us.  That’s the best reason yet to share my fears.  Different thing altogether.   Nor to I object to confessing shortcomings and sins as a public fifth step if I choose, which is usually left for the newcomer as a way to get their baggage off their chest.    No that would be a healthy part of keeping my side of the street clean.  Maybe these healthy sobriety actions are just too similar to the unhealthy false humility that people get confused.  Motives are the tell-tale identifier of good and sick.

Dr. Bob’s Last Major Talk

Detroit, Michigan, December 1948 -transcribed from tape.
Copyright © AA Grapevine, Inc
from the June 1973 issue

Although a good many of you have heard or have read about the inception of A.A., probably there are some who haven’t. From that brief story, there are things to be learned. So, even at the risk of repetition, I would like to relate exactly what did happen in those early days.

Continue reading “Dr. Bob’s Last Major Talk”

THE HEART OF A MANEATER.  By Laura Edgar

By the dime store psychologist.  If you came from FB Friends of Bill and Bob scroll past videos to continue reading.   I copied that post starting at “Introducing the Maneater” below.

Did the Primary teaching voice of your formative years often sound like this? (granted most people don’t remember until they spend years in therapy, meditation, and prayer coupled with self-awareness exercises.)

“You’re a Bad little girl/boy!  How could you do such a thing, again?   Don’t do that, don’t act like that, don’t be like that and don’t feel like that!  You’re wrong, wrong, wrong everything that comes from your little heart is wrong”.  And then here’s the worst quote of all folks: “You shouldn’t FEEL that way! Your feelings are wrong! Your ideas are stupid and you should be ashamed of yourself.   Don’t cry!  Cry baby!  That’s nothing to cry about!  That’s nothing to be afraid of!  Chicken shit…scaredy cat..and worse. We are programmed to hide our fears, weaknesses, and hearts truths.

And so we/I shutdown my basic healthy emotional processes that I so desperately needed to be and feel well being.

And so my self identity sucked at the tender age of 4  just for being who I was created to be “a child”. (this doesn’t include the effects of regular beatings and humiliations at a physical level that were administered for my own good of course (sarcasm)).

“Okay if you say so Dad, sure I’ll buy that information about myself. I am not as good as you or anyone else.” Right?  What a way to start a new life!  Feeling like you’re at the bottom of the barrel of human worthlessness.  I had no idea at the time my father had convinced me I was inferior to all of mankind.  Why?  Hell-if-I-know except maybe he was just passing on what his father taught him about himself and so on.

So I went through my young life believing what I was taught by those who I loved and trusted most.

The Big Book Reads

What does the Big Book say about dealing with being wronged?  Well first I have to look at “my part” of my emotional trauma…oh boy, ya right, I am sure I deserved all that abuse.  Okay that was sarcasm again-unacceptable!

My part is that I held onto the pain.  But why?  I had no idea how to get past the insecurities and fears surrounding what I was taught about myself.  I didn’t know what healthy emotions were.  And I sure as hell didn’t know how to vent and process the emotional ramifications of what dear old dad had instilled in me.  So, what then?
Result-YEARS OF SHAME BASED LIVING coupled with attempts at dulling my horrible rancid feelings.  ADDICTION.
Shame is a healthy quality if it keeps us in line with “do unto others as we would have done to us”. But when shame becomes social we project it.  We try to please and manipulate people so we won’t  feel ashamed of ourselves.  We second guess ourselves.  We start and don’t finish.  We isolate.  We sabotage sobriety and relationships.  And as we struggle to receive ego-stroking false self esteem our relationships get dysfunctional.

The Big Book reads “We realized the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.  Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too.”  Right Bill W.  Keep telling yourself that and let me know how it works out regarding your emotional condition (okay I broke my own rule of no sarcasm).  Sorry folks but this intellectually based knowledge will not grant us the validation and healing that we addicts so desperately need to truly overcome addiction.  ON THE CONTRARY.  Minimizing the damage my father did to me and stuffing down the sheer hurt, rejections, and emotional trauma of those events is quite literally what got me sick in the first place.  And so the way to heal is by sharing that pain, crying, screaming, writing, beat the bag, get physical, direct my repressed hurt and anger into physical and emotional exercises that release from my bowels my oh-so-toxic pain.  This is what we call “causes and conditions” in AA.

I spent my life living under a cloud of shame.  Becoming aware of what that shame did to me was a wake up call.  I was blind for years and covered up every aspect of my father’s betrayal and sickness.  The pack mentality had blinded me.  Now I know exactly why I drank and drugged.

Low self worth will do many things to feel valid, pretty, loved, and of value, especially with the boys.  Firstly I am pretty damn certain that ALL ADDICTS ARE EMOTIONALLY WOUNDED VICTIMS and seldom know it. SECOND= PLEASE DON’T UNDERESTIMATE HOW IMPORTANT OUR EMOTIONAL CONDITION IS AND WHAT A HUGE PART IT PLAYS IN OUR OVERALL WELL BEING.

INTRODUCING THE MANEATER

Most women who are emotionally wounded develop exquisite emotional survival skills to make up for the self esteem deficit. These skills, dysfunctional as they may be protect us from going insane, even if the skills are hurtful/twisted toward us and others.  But hey, the ego picks up where the broken heart drops the ball.  The broken heart is just that…it’s broken.  So our intellect takes the lead and tells us “we must become someone else”.  Someone who isn’t worthless.  Someone who takes her cues from watching other people.  We then grasp the only self worth we can see.  We spoon feed ourselves compliments and any kind of attention we can get.     We create our alter egos.   TA-DA-In walks “The survivor”, in walks “The Bad-Ass Tough Girl”.

The tough girl is horrible at honest level communication.  Why?  Because she cannot reveal any part of the person who she believes is so bad and worthless.  So sharing true feelings and true heartfelt thoughts IS TOTALLY OFF THE TABLE for the survivor.   She is a pro at sarcasm.  She can cut you to the quick. She can take her inner shame, wad it up in a tight ball, and fling it right into your heart baby!  She is poison.  She is skilled at getting what she wants and NOW.   “She’s so good with her stiletto you won’t even mind the pain…you won’t mind the pain.  She cuts you once, she cuts you twice, still you believe..(love that Billy Joel song).

And how bout “Maneater” by Hall & Oates.  YES!  That’s me, you say excitedly.

START HERE FROM FRIENDS OF BILL AND BOB FB POST:

The one we are deceiving the most when we engage our ego to run the show is ourselves.

Getting clean & sober brings up the original pain.  Raw and torrent (a sudden, violent, and copious outpouring ) is that pain.

The maneaters triggers are any semblance of rejection, abandonment, or belittling.  Don’t even remotely put her down because at that time she will relive her original pain.  And projecting that pain onto you (her beast of burden) is her skill. Remember it’s you (she strongly believes) who are responsible for her feelings  The original pain is fresh in her heart.  She gets triggered by anything that makes her feel inferior and takes her back to daddy’s ridicule.  You, boy are responsible for her feelings and don’t you forget it! (she projects this onto you).

Temporarily her gut wrenching emotional denial, blindness, and manipulation coupled with knee-jerk responses to the many heart level triggers she endures day to day can guard her from the devastating truths she so desperately needs to hide about herself….that truth she thinks is that she really is unlovable. (the great lie)

So the wounded child’s present life turns into a play act time loop featuring “The princess and her shitty childhood” day in and day out she is tortured by her past. It’s no wonder she medicates her feelings!  Are you kidding?  She is emotionally tortured yet has no idea why.    The star of her show is always “The Princess”.  And the co-star will be whomever she casts as her “beast of burden”.  Oh ya, gotta have someone to blame for her feelings/always.  That’s ego-fencing 101.

In AA we like to say “we don’t give a shit about what anybody thinks of us” cause we are so self confident and secure!  Total bullshit!  Healthy social behavior not only cares about it’s reputation but it works at building a good one.  It’s the extreme “FEAR” of what people think of us that becomes dysfunctional not the “care”.

Recovering addicts tend to go to extremes unknowingly with their healthy lessons of recovery and the “I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me” is clearly a red flag that screams quite the opposite.  Doing “the next right thing” (AA slogan)  in AA is all about building renewed self-worth.  We must begin accomplishing things for ourselves by becoming independent both emotionally and financially to break the princess syndrome.   See my article on care vs. fear of people  here.

SOLUTION: SEXUAL INVENTORY

I remember when I first got sober in 2006 and started my first healthy relationship with the man I am still with today.  I spent a year in group therapy sharing every aspect of my new relationship.  In group we learned communication skills absent of sarcasm and lies, absent of blame, and manipulation.  Healthy is a relationship that says “you are not responsible for my feelings, nor are you supposed to take on any of my responsibilities.”  I have a choice to sleep with a man/woman.  If I am going to somehow charge him (now you owe me bitch) for sex as a service he has a right to know it before hand.

This does not mean a man cannot wrong me or hurt me, on the contrary.   But all he can do is apologize.  It’s up to me to process my own pain and feelings when they are deep and severe.  Learning to process openly with a like minded empathic and validating listener who will give encouraging feedback is healing.

Shedding the princess syndrome was one of the most painful processes I underwent in my recovery from addiction and shame.

Healing Sharing

How to get the most out of sharing in a safe place.  We must trust someone regardless of our well-founded trust issues, that we may fully heal:  We need at least one person whom we can tell ANYTHING.

• I am afraid because
• I feel shame because
• I feel guilt because
• I feel insecure because
• I feel vulnerable because
• I feel angry because
• I feel hurt because
• I feel alone or lonely because
• I feel weak because
• I feel embarrassed (shame) because
• I feel tempted because
• I feel ugly because
• I feel gross because
• I feel stupid because

If I say “I am” preceding any verb it should be something positive.  Yes I use negative words to describe my feelings but not to label myself as always “being” unchangably negative.  Watch the “I am” statements they have power.  By the same token watch the “you are” statements.

The “I feel” statements to the right person can liberate us absolutely.  Also these statements are some of the hardest things for us humans to admit and share.  The truth will set us free but it must be the right truth.  Hours of heinous bitching about other people is counter-productive on the most part until we get to the part where we share how it made us feel.  Granted it’s important to share traumatic wrongs done to us in the “he” or “they” context.  But not to get carried away in blame or condemnation.  There is a balance to achieve for healing to occur.  I need to share how the trauma made me feel.  I need to process the fear and shame.  The insecurities and the feelings ABSENT THE INTELLECT.  Feelings do not have to make sense.  If I only share what makes intellectual sense it won’t be enough.  Our intellect shuts down what our heart needs to share by saying to us in a loud voice “that doesn’t make sense your feelings don’t make sense” and so often we shut our heart down with a black ink stamper that reads “NOT VALID KEEP SILENT”!

We render ourselves naked before our trusted friend.  We must have at least one person we can tell anythinG.

There tend to be two types of sponsors in A.A. 1. Call you on your shit sponsor.  2. Empathic listener validating sponsor.  Seldom will a “call you on your shit” type sponsor work for an addicts wounded heart.  Why?  Because addicts are their own worst enemy, they/we need empathy not condemnation to heal.  And there’s a terrible trend in Alcoholics Anonymous that labels ever deep feeling a “character flaw”.  Self pity I say!  Yes that’s what’s wrong with you!  You desperately and emphatically feel sorry for yourself.

Well I am not saying that doesn’t happen.  But it’s a toxic mess to mistake the healthy emotional process for a character flaw.  That’s when A.A. can make a body sicker instead of better.  Again “balance” grasshopper, balance.  We need relating, caring, and mirroring of our feelings and ideas.  We need validation and we need to learn to share our deep truths that come from our heart of hearts.  We need a safe place where we can be who we really are to regain our radiantly blessed self-innocence.

Are you one of those people who often turns red when you speak (bottled up fear and pain coming out)?  Do you like to isolate?  Hell ya, we addicts like to isolate; why be around people who can trigger our original wound?  It hurts like hell. So we create our own world in our own environment but still somehow we get triggered.   In recovery we need to share our story over and over and over.  ‘What it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now’, from our heart of hearts.  Each time we share and work Step Twelve in speaker meetings, jails, and institutions we process a little more of our original pain.  We realize a little more just how far we have really come in our recovery.

More Solutions

Try an organic live food diet.  I promise you will be absolutely amazed by what happens.  When you engage a high oxygen diet of live food, essential oils, organic cold pressed parent oils (flax, coconut, apricot seed), and regular sunlight and exercise along with good oxygenated (no fluoride, or chlorine) water your brain will wake up.  Diet alone can kick start your recovery to the fifth dimension.  Don’t underestimate what The Creator has provided for His/Her/Its creatures.

Step Eleven

Step ten is not enough.  If all I do is generally go over my wrongs and ask forgiveness, keep my side of the street clean that’s great and necessary, but it won’t get me the healing I so desperately need to stay clean and sober and to shed my addict mentality.

So I take meditation very seriously.  Why?  Its vital I get to know my Higher Power(s) to grow and become enlightened.  Also when I am still I can feel the original pain rising up inside me as if it had taken on a life of it’s own.  It’s electric.  That ball of toxic hurt is something that every addict carries.  And if we don’t expel most of it in recovery then we are “only an arm’s length away from the next drink.”   Meditation helps to expel it by whatever way feels natural.  And believe me expelling original pain won’t be a pretty sight it’s best done where no one will freak out and call you crazy.  I remember one of my sponsors said she threw up many times expelling her inner ball of disgust.  Another therapist and friend of mine suggested “guttural sounds” moans, groans, screams, cries, and tears to expel the original pain.   Believe this; there is a level of pain that tears cannot harness.  Tears are not enough, it takes guttural demonic sounding moans and groans to expel it.   I myself used to beat a tree out back with a whip to expel anger.  And I screamed in my car many times during the first three years of sobriety.  Each time I got a rush of endorphins that filled my body with healing comfort afterwards.  Wouldn’t you rather be able to say with confidence “I am recovered” instead of requiring AA type distractions from your original pain for the rest of your life?  The only people who can say they are recovered are those who have gotten a complete supernatural healing by white light experience or those who have expelled all their demons of original pain by healthy expression, prayer, meditations, and a series of awakenings.   But not just that, we also work to build new patterns of behavior.  That is where A.A. and the steps come in along with emotional tools of expression and listening.   Healthy patterns of emotional processing are vital.  Wholesome fellowship is one of the cures.  Healthy communing is opposite of our sick family and toxic relationship interactions that drain us like an emotional vampire drains it’s prey.  See article EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES.

Goals and Dreams

In sobriety setting goals and having dreams we aspire toward is also vital.  It doesn’t matter so much what the outcome of our goals are.  What matters is that we have goals and dreams.  When one dream crashes we build another one.  And they will crash and burn.  Not all dreams and goals will be successfully fulfilled.

Dreams just like goals are very important to have and to keep.  To work toward a goal is fulfilling.  To have hope and dreams is spiritual because “hope” itself is one of the spiritual gifts from the creator of spirituality itself (hope, faith, Love 3 greatest gifts).    Having goals and fulfilling them is vital to our self-worth.  Our very life depends on having goals to attain and accomplishing tasks and feats.  When mankind retires from his work often times he /her just die partly because of feeling worthless for a lack of purpose.  If a man feels he has no purpose he may just lay down and die.

Early recovery is a cycle of forcing ourselves to do things we won’t FEEL like doing.  Processing feelings and allowing feelings to control us are two different things.  Recovery is all about ignoring the voice that would isolate us and listening to the healthy encouraging voice.  Yes we have a good voice and a bad voice inside our head.  Our alone time is important.  Isolation is a long lasting pattern to abstain from social settings.  I have been a pro at isolation both inside and outside of sobriety.   I feed myself positive energy in my alone time to stay healthy.  But not all the time.  Few people do the right thing at all times I suppose.

Earthing

Earthing is the practice of connecting with the Earth by going barefoot nearly naked in the sun which resets our electrical and magnetic fields that have been discombobulated by cell phone towers, electrical fields, wifi signals and god knows what else.  It’s important to do all aspects of recovery and include Earthing.  Something about attaching our feet to the soil and grass under the sun that resets our electrical “M” fields with good bistatic flows.  Don’t get your aluminum foil hats out yet, more research is needed.

Step Four

There is nothing new under the sun where sin is concerned.  Most fourth steps are full of sexual debauchery, murders, violence, back stabbing, betraying, hatefulness, lies, and secrets, fraud contempt, and embezzlement that we believe will ruin us if our secrets are ever exposed.  Please don’t share legal incriminations with the wrong person and end up in jail.  And don’t think going to jail will fix you either.  The thing I have been hiding at soul level by desperate measures is the secret that needs to be exposed the most.  You know the one.  Why?  For my/your own well being.  You would be surprised at how quickly a sponsor forgets your painstaking fourth step.  The world really doesn’t revolve around our belly buttons.  Nobody cares what we did, at least not for long, especially our fellow self consumed addicts.  Time and time again I have seen people leave the 12 step program at step three vowing to never reveal that debilitating fifth step secret that is poisoning their soul.  Oh hell no! We scream at the top of our lungs.  There is no fucking way I am telling anybody that one!  So the secret continues to hold power over us, that is, until we let it out of the box.  It’s your choice.

For more recovery articles go to https://www.recoveryfarmhouse.com and http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net  

Spirituality is like swimming I explained to my sister Brenda.  You dip your soul, spirit, and body into the presence of God and you swim in joyous distractions from every negative reality that once brought you low.  You feel good.  For me a burden was lifted and black cloud on my soul, removed.  After my spiritual experience the joy and peace that only the supernatural can provide blanketed me.  My choices are different than they used to be.  I have never been the same…thank God!  I love humans again or…maybe for the first time I love other women.  I was unaffected by negativity because my perception was one of spiritual insight.  I saw the good in all things. Continue reading “Spirituality Is Like Swimming”

In December of 1934 Bill Wilson was in Towns Hospital off Central Park in NYC for what would be his last detoxification. During this hospitalization Bill had a dramatic “spiritual experience.” Bill describes this dramatic experience in his history of A.A. (1957, p.63):

“My depression deepened unbearably and finally it seemed to me as though I were at the bottom of the pit. I still gagged badly on the notion of a Power greater than myself, but finally, just for the moment, the last vestige of my proud obstinacy was crushed. All at once I found myself crying out, ‘If there is a God, let Him show Himself! I am ready to do anything, anything!’

Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light. I was caught up into an ecstasy which there are no words to describe. It seemed to me, in my mind’s eye, that I was on a mountain and that a wind not of air but of spirit was blowing. And then it burst upon me that I was a free man. Slowly the ecstasy subsided. I lay on the bed, but now for a time I was in another world, a new world of consciousness. All about me and through me there was a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to myself, ‘So this is the God of the preachers!’ A great peace stole over me and I thought, ‘No matter how wrong things seem to be, they are still all right. Things are all right with God and His world.”

Bill W.’s Spiritual Experience from Language of the heart pg. 275

In “Language of the Heart” Bill W. writes again about his white light experience at the Towns Hospital. Continue reading “Bill Wilson’s White Light Experience”

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Click the link or the photo.

This video will tell you exactly what the worst foods are and what they do to us.  What is the chemical “High Fructose Corn Syrup”?  And how does our brain react to both preservatives and HFCS?

It’s no wonder our country is overweight.  This video tells how to beat a fat waistline and still eat yummy foods.

https://www.gofundme.com/2myde2k/donate

Communication the front line of Love

Inside our empathic sanctuary, we seek to re-discover the natural healing rhythm of our life flow, trusting that each wave of darkness will ultimately return us to the light.
Trusting our rage to return us to peace.
Trusting our shame to return us to self-love.
Trusting our fear to return us to faith.
Trusting our sorrow to return us to joy.
And trusting the guiding light within to lead us on, ever closer to our true nature.

Communications skills are vital for new healthy relationships. Starting with attentive listening skills. What are the distressful emotions that scare the addict so much. What are the feelings which make us bolt and run…especially early on in sobriety? It helps loads when journal-ling or during intimate sharing to verbalize the exact emotion so others can related, empathize, care, and validate during feedback. Listening is vital in any relationship.
Four Categories
1. Anger: frustrated, annoyed, irritated, agitated, enraged, furious, resentful.
2. Shame: Embarrassed, guilty, humiliated, small, low, unworthy, bad,
3. Fear: Afraid, concerned, nervous, tense, insecure, worried, anxious, terrified, shocked, scared.
4. Sadness: Hurt, lonely, abandoned, rejected, unwanted unimportant, put down ignored, pushed aside, neglected, left out,sad
5. Mixed Emotion: Dominated, controlled, tormented, tortured, confused, betrayed, attacked, disrespected, helpless, hopeless, unfairly treat

Become aware of communication traps: We retrain our usual tendencies and channel our expressions of discomfort in a different way. Instead of blurting out our demands or accusations without any amount of reflection we examine our own feelings. Strong reactionary feelings seldom originate in the present tense situations. We avoid becoming mired in toxic battles.
We detect our feelings are too intense. Our impulse is to lash out! Or to escape and run. We STOP and do self exploration. Instead of trying to get our partner to see our point of view and change behaviors to make us feel better our aim is to contact and release the feelings rooted in our past in order to deal more effectively with the present.
We need only accept the premise that something from our past has been triggered and seek to uncover it. If the anger is too strong we call an empathic listener or journal the feelings. We can also learn and use simple anger release techniques.
BY TAKING OWNERSHIP OF OUR FEELINGS WE STOP THE ARGUMENT.

Page 64 Big Book: Our liquor was but a symptom. We HAD TO get down to causes and conditions.

In recovery we should have at least one person we can tell anything.  Step Five (skip to Star Trek clip) Captain Kirk talks about Spoks, Bones, and his own pain.

Sharing from our heart especially the things that bring us shame, are imperative to share if we are to recover.   Recovery is not just quiting drinking but also to emotionally heal. We won’t recover without the component of emotional transparency. Oh sure we can quit drinking by the art of distraction but we will need meetings the rest of our lives if we don’t address our real reasons for wanting to numb our capacity to feel.

And as soon as we let up on the spiritual program, and let-up we will, we shall crash and burn because the reason we drank to begin with is unchecked and will re-surface. We will find ourselves hiding in secret once again. How are you? Our friends may ask…”I am fine” we say. F.I.N.E. =fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional.

IS IT REALLY SUCH A SHAME TO BE NOT OK?  WE MUST REMOVE THE MASK OF FALSE STATUS.  PLEASE SHARE WITH THE NEWCOMER THAT IT’S OK TO FEEL LIKE SHIT.  LET PEOPLE KNOW THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT.  LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT IT’S NOT WRONG TO FEEL BAD.  ALLOW OUR FELLOWS TO BE REAL. I am not okay and you are not okay and that’s okay. 

When we finally quit struggling against our emotions, when we finally quit fighting to crush our pain and hide it away then we can cry, scream, let out the original pain that caused our emotional disorder for so many years.

“I DON’T WANT MY PAIN TAKEN AWAY, I NEED MY PAIN!” Cries Captain Kirk

Captain Kirk acknowledged his pain but that was as far as he would go by god!

Truly the writer of this episode was self aware and knew the value of addressing life’s deepest emotional wounds.  Bringing up the past and crying over it seems counter productive to many.  And saying the way I just did enforces that theory.  But I know different.  Why?  Pain takes on a life of it’s own in our bodies.  If the healthy emotional outlets have been stifled by shame.  If we have been taught our feelings are wrong.  Then we don’t give place to validating our pain and then letting it out by writing, moaning, crying, more writing, sharing, screaming in a safe place.   Pain is not supposed to stay inside.  It’s to be let out by healthy emotional processes.  If something stops that up such as false pride, shame on top of shame, or self invalidation, then it will live inside us and make us sick.  It’s that fricking simple.  The cure to addiction is letting out the fricking pain.  And the rest of the new life type skill you learn in AA.  And the fulfillment of 12 step work, meetings as a comparison tool.  But if you heal you won’t need meetings any more.

in this priceless scene Star Trek V The Final Frontier – McCoy & Spock confront their pain. And he is right our pain is part of who we are and we all have it. But if it drives us to self destruct then it’s time to address the unexpressed versions of our most intense emotional traumas.

SEE MOVIE CLIP NOW

If we are to regain self-worth, esteem and a reason to stay sober we must set new life goals and have a purpose. But more importantly we must have at least one person we can tell anything. We must have an on-going way to process our intense feelings to more than just God. Confessing to God does not lend us humility. Our path to humility is in steps five and nine. These steps are merely blue prints of what needs done the rest of our lives. Not just once. And not just confessing the things we are comfortable confessing. OH NO! If we are not extremely uncomfortable when confessing then chances are we are still hiding our shame. “I was wrong” “I am afraid” “I am ashamed of myself” “I want people to like me” “I fear people won’t like me”, “I just want to be Loved”. “I am afraid other people are better than me.” “If I tell the truth people will not like me” “If I am truthful no one will love me”. “I feel insecure”. If you have not found this part of your humanity you may have a block.  The block is in place for your own survival.  But if you want to truly recover and heal the inner child must be recognized, validated, and nurtured by your whole being.  Don’t push the very part of your humanity down so deep it makes healing imposible and self-awareness unattainable.

THE MASK

It’s no wonder most people fear showing their true self even to their most intimate fellows, with everyone else hiding behind the mask of ego and the bravado of “it’s all good” the man who is truly self-aware and acknowledges a full scale of human emotion feels odd and alone: and so festers our society of anxiety, stress, panic attacks, depression, and lastly mental illness. Bring on the pharmaceuticals cry the Americans from their bed of deception. Seems like the theme of the day is healthy “risk taking”. Without the risk of making one’s self vulnerable in a safe environment we will never grow into the person who becomes who they really are. The person who follows their own heart and God’s leading takes emotional risks.

When we are stripped of all self-worth by the beast of addiction we come into the rooms broken and full of resentment. After our thorough working of the 12 steps we are a clean slate. We are then sponges ready to absorb even download if you will our new programs. Oh yes the “Same man WILL drink again” therefore, if we don’t download a new program we are destined to relapse. We absorb all the good we can around us in the rooms of AA, in the re-hab, from the sober friends we choose. We shut our mouths and listen and learn and grow.

When fear crops up & it will, we share it with empathic listeners who will hopefully validate our feelings. Please don’t confuse this with “validating or co-signing bullshit meaning co-signing wrong behaviors and actions. I don’t know about you but my heart and what’s in it is not bullshit. How can feelings ever be wrong when they come from our own heart? They are who we are and should be given validity otherwise we are still in a process of tearing ourselves down.

We cannot change our own feelings but we can validate and process them. If we don’t have some intimate fellows in recovery that are open and honest enough to admit their own feelings to us they are living behind a wall of ego and a mask of bravado. It is very important for our feelings to be acknowledged so we may then move on. Our feelings absolutely should not paralyze or control us.  However, if they are intense and not addressed (the reoccurring and intense feelings) they will come out sideways by the old survival skill of blame and judgment.

Granted children of God, the skill of fault-finding does work to brush off fear however it usually involves hurting either ourselves or others by developing and nurturing hate & accusation which pollutes our own heart. It is important to surround ourselves with sobriety and good Loving people when we are healing from a life of pain from self-induced abuse. We need not accuse my brethren for accusations are the first fruits of Satan’s own spawn…so says the word. Rev. 12:10 THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!

Great commentary on step three. Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understand him.  God’s will for us.  “Get well and stay well”.

Fourth Step Resentment. How do I get over a resentment? It is easy for people to say “GET OVER IT!” And peer down on us because we have a resentment. But what is the fourth step process by which we actually have God remove it?

HYPOTHETICAL:

I went to see Father Martin speak. He agreed to shake hands after the speaker meeting. But then after the meeting he was nowhere to be found. I get a profound and long term resentment toward him for this. Here is how I handle it with God’s help.

It’s easy for people to say “just let it go”. But there is a process in letting go of stuff like that and it involves the fourth step and some depth of awareness, and action. What I do is write down the incident “what happened”. Then I express my feelings about the event. First I feel anger because it’s an easier emotion than the feelings that make me appear weak and vulnerable. But underneath the anger “I was hurt, I felt insulted by FM as if I was not worth his attention. I felt inferior, I felt rejected and ‘lesser than’. What then is the “fear” that is driving my insecure emotions? I fear I really am not worth being liked or loved. I fear I am not worthy. That I really am lesser than and worthless. Please remember our intellect and our heart are two different things. MY HEART DOES NOT HAVE TO BE LOGICAL. BUT IT’S INTENSE FEELINGS DO NEED TO BE HONORED. People confuse their intellect as if it were at the core of a resentment. Sure I know I am valuable logically. But my heart has been taught different. It needs some healing attention and a faithful ear. These are the fears that drive most resentments. It takes a courageous man to really know his own heart and to show his heart the respect it deserves. And all these inferiority feelings come from the conditioning which my early years experiences taught me. My parents and others taught me to be ashamed and that I am lesser than, so my heart believed and trusted them as if it were true. Now I ask my HP to remove the fear that I am lesser than and the low self-worth which I was taught. I am a child of The King, I am royalty. I am worthy of both Love and other good things. So now I explore my part in the incident. I had expectations. I assumed the rejection was about me and really Father Martin’s actions had no bearing on me and who I am. I am not trusting God by my fear. I am not trusting that God loves me and gives me value. Step 12 will intensely improve my self worth. I realize I am not showing Love and understanding by assuming the worst about F.Martin. Did he really wrong me? Did he break an appointment? Maybe something horrific came up with him so he could not meet me. I ask God to help me forgive FM. I forgive FM in word and I ask that my heart follow my words of forgiveness. I am sure to write all this down and ask God to remove my fears of worthlessness, shame, inferiority. I pray for FM every day till the resentment is gone. If need be I confess my fears step 5. Most fears are about fear of loss, either sex, society, or security. I fear for my reputation. I do care what other’s think of me and I do not pretend that I don’t. This type fear is “society” based. If other people saw the instance I may have deep shame because I feel other people saw my rejection or lowliness. If you can grasp these core heart concepts I have just laid out then you have bitten off some huge truths about yourself and human nature. If you have a resentment and believe you have no fear behind it, well denial works too. Most people in AA I know like to pretend they don’t get resentments and are basically “perfect” except for their grave disease of addiction which most people like to pin on some obscure genetic mishap. Really addiction is no more than an inability to process feelings of fear/repression/and denial. All covered up by a host of character defects.  Step 12 will intensely improve my self worth. During Step 11 meditation I go over the good things I did today, like a meeting, charity, step work. Positive affirmations work.

Learn the Why Behind the Addiction.

Countless professionals have identified repressed feelings from childhood as a major factor in addiction.

I used to revel in the fact that addiction is hereditary, genetic even.  I used to be conformed to the idea since addiction is genetic it relieves me of all responsibility and renders me powerless over the past, present, and future.  I thought I had to pick up.  I thought I had no choice.  I was compelled and even after years of sobriety I was convinced that I was basically a victim of the DISEASE of addiction.  And that I also would require treatment for that addiction the rest of my life.  Furthermore I was conditioned in AA to call myself a never-ending “alcoholic/addict” and if I ever thought I was getting well I was in grave danger of relapse and highly delusional.

Well it’s no wonder I adhered so staunchly to such precepts considering I do come from a long line of addicts.  These ideals relived me of much guilt.  I was finally able to put a “why” on my torn personality.  And torn it was, fighting itself to not do what I was compelled at the time to do.

So what changed?  What happened?  Why do I now believe that my addiction was not cause by some obscure gene pool swimming around in my DNA.  Why now do I believe it was nurture or more appropriately a lack of emotional nurturing which caused my sickness?  Well it’s like this, after ten years of prayer, meditation, meetings, and a year of very enlightening therapy I have realized the true “why” behind my drinking and drugging.  Not only that, I also believe most people drink and drug for pretty much the same reasons I did.  Reasons being 1.Shame, 2.pain, 3. an inability to process and deal with feelings.  4. fear of feeling feelings.  5. And finally a lack of God in my life.

Once I cried and screamed out the core issues from childhood which haunted me and were so, so painful I was able to quit being so afraid of my feelings.  Once I worked step 12 for so long I gained true self worth.  Once I realized God really does have my back and finalized my step three my fears were lessened.  Once I learned how to use a fourth step to my advantage including the “fear list” which people seldom talk about anywhere in AA.  Not to mention once I saw the popular misconceptions and scare methodologies in AA and moved away from such precepts of bondage I realized, I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.  And I always had a choice.  I am not some genetic victim who needs AA for the rest of my life.  Furthermore that is NOT what is taught in the Big Book nor was AA ever intended to be a life-long dependency.

Oh yes I see the old timers sitting around in meetings talking about how they are just as close to a drink than anyone and that they are still so, so sick.  Well true if we don’t do the work both step work, spiritual work, and therapy work yes we will always have no advantages over the wet drunk off the street.  But if a man has done the work in these three areas and still considers himself as sick as the foggy eyed newly sober man, then he is a dry drunk and has done nothing to allow himself to heal.  And if we have truly worked the program for a number of years and are no better off than the new-comer who has done no work and has no knowledge of the twelve steps then that speaks for itself a program which is basically worthless.  To say I am still sick is to say the program does not work and my spiritual condition benefited nothing from steps 3 and eleven.  These dogmatic concepts are clearly “false humility” at work.  It is both dishonest and a false testament to lie about the progress which AA provides.  It is clearly rampant false humility to pretend we are in a no better position than the new comer.

Furthermore what man sits in meeting after meeting swearing that someone other than himself “is the most important one in the room”?  More bullshit clearly or am I the only one who goes to AA for his own sobriety?  I have no control over the new comer and he is not more important than me, sorry.  Really?

It’s a choice and I choose to be well.  http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net/addict-gene/

MOST COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS IN A.A.

WHAT IT WAS LIKE

I know what it’s like to be torn in two.  Half of me desperately wanting to be sober and clean.  The other half tearing at me convinced that I am a slave to drugs and that I have no choice in the matter…I must use.  In this case it might have been better to have NO CONSCIENCE WHAT SO EVER.  But I could not tear the very heart of me out and replace it with a sober emotionally balanced and spiritually grounded heart.

I was squittled.  It seemed there was nothing I could do.  I was a slave to crack, methadone, morphine, cigarettes, alcohol and an emotional & mental mess I might add.  Denial was the closest thing to peace of mind that I had.  But denial was the counterfeit of Peace.

WHAT HAPPENED

On good Friday 2006 I was walking on the sidewalk when I got stopped by a cop.  I was in a county called “GilChrist”.  I had no idea it was Good Friday until the cop threw me in jail because of warrants.  Warrants I was also unaware of.  I was lost.  I screamed at the cop all the way to jail.

As I sat in the holding cell I prayed to God; “please lesson the withdraw symptoms”  The withdraw wasn’t nearly as bad as it should have been.  After about two weeks in jail my decrepit mind began to realize what I had done with my life.   The guilt in me for neglecting my nine year old daughter still eats at my heart.  Even after doing a step nine with her and all the rest of the steps.

I don’t know if a mother’s brand of guilt ever really goes away totally.  If I had a million dollars I would buy her the world to make up for my horrible horrible behavior.  Even though my crack days were limited to about a year on and off.  If was the second worst drug of them all. I was unavailable and when I did have my daughter I exposed her my addiction.   Clearly injecting Cocaine was the most horrific drug abuse.  It left me a basket case of panic attacks and shadows of experiencing the deepest fear you can ever imagine.  Those days ended in my twenties, way before I had my daughter.        I could not keep that up.  It’s a whole other story for another day.

In Jail

My head cleared up.  I prayed allot.  I remembered the first time I had gotten sober for a very long time due to a spiritual experience.  I had sought God in a little Baptist church in the meadow.  The pasture was a sweet old man.  There was also a minister woman.  She put her hand on my chest where all my pain lived as I was leaving the Sunday morning service.  She said; “God has something for you, come to the evening service”.  And so I did, and I received prayer and the laying on of hands from five or six Christian believers.

I recieved the Holy Spirit that night.  The story is in my book “Paradise for the Hellbound”    I spent a year as a student with that women Sister Petty.  She taught me allot.    There is also an article about my overdose here which lead me to seek God. .

Back to 2006

Between my first spiritual experience back in 1989 and my second stay in rehab, in 2006 and Alcoholics Anonymous I was finally able to release most of my fear and pain.  But I spent a year in therapy.  The right therapy.  It also changed me for the better.  Honestly one touch from God made me a different person.  Morally I was changed for ever.  Seek God my friend.  Seek with every fiber of your being.  God out into the world and follow your heart.  God to the church that draws you in.  And it will if you listen to the still small voice.  GOD DELIVERS HIS CHILDREN FROM BONDAGE ALL THE TIME WE JUST HAVE TO SEEK HIM.  SAY JESUS’ NAME ALOUD AND GIVE THANKS OVER AND OVER.. I found that the laying on of hands in prayer is magical.  Working the 12 steps is miraculous as well but in a different way.  Every addict should go to therapy for at least a year in my opinion.  When they get sober I mean.

WHAT IT’S LIKE NOW

When I got out of two months in jail and thirty days of rehab I began my knew life.  I raised my daughter in loving environment for the next eight years till she grew up and moved out.  I made amends.  I took meetings into the very jail I got sober in.  I shared my experience strength and hope with the women for two years straight before I got service burn out.  I started a successful business.  I wrote a book and published it.  I have been in a good relationship for ten years.  I have been sober nearly ten years also.  I have been healed by writing, sharing, prayer, meditation, telling my story, chairing meetings, doing step four and five over and over.  I love my life for the first time ever.

But without Jesus, God, I am hopeless.  Call your God by any name.  Names are not important but seeking is.  And seeking is done by the heart and the footwork.

The Big Book is in the public domain.  Therefore when Amazon sells it Amazon gets the money not World Services.

After much study and research I have concluded this article I found online is the best one on the topic of The Big Book, it’s profits, and it’s copyright laws.  Editions One & Two are in the public domain.  That’s why Amazon and other book manufacturers are selling it at full profit.  Meaning AA gets nothing from the sales.  There are a few theories as to why AA failed to renew it’s copyrights.  Read the article.

Is the Big Book Shrinking?
By Meg Williams 07/09/13
The Big Book remains the place to find AA’s program of recovery. But thanks to competing publishers and free apps, literature revenues are falling. Is there anything World Services can do?
p56-57.jpg
Will AA’s publishing revenues soon become small beer? Photo via
When the 63rd General Service Conference of Alcoholics Anonymous met this April, the delegates representing AA groups from the US and Canada passed a motion to allow AA World Services (AAWS) to “use commissioned online stores to sell and distribute digital AA literature.”

AA literature is already widely available on the web. This includes the AA website’s links to the current edition of Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. But other vendors also publish editions of the Big Book online, downloadable for free or for a nominal charge. At this point, AAWS has already lost considerable business to these other publishers. Many would ask, “Why is AA allowing this?” The answer: AA has no legal recourse to stop it.

Individual AA members must choose whom to pay for the Big Book, if they choose to pay at all.
The first edition of Alcoholics Anonymous has been public domain since 1967, when AA failed to renew its copyright on the text. AA also failed to renew the copyright on the second edition, causing it to lapse in 1983. In both cases, most sources say that AAWS failed to act simply because of a lack of understanding of the applicable copyright laws.

Of course, other theories have been proposed. Some suggest that AA let the copyright lapse to dodge any liability resulting from the fact that Bill Wilson claimed he was the only author at the time the Big Book was first copyrighted. (Other people are known to have written portions of the book, including “To Employers” and “The Doctor’s Opinion,” for example.) Moving these works into public domain then re-copyrighting the third edition and not claiming that Bill Wilson was the only author would prevent anyone from suing AA over the original copyright. These same sources add that AA’s General Service Office (GSO) claimed to misunderstood the law in order to hide its true motives. This theory needs to be qualified by saying that these sources seem to have a bone to pick with AA in general. They present evidence to support their claims; however, it is very difficult to confirm its veracity, due to the lack of documentation available to the public from the AA’s service structures.

Whatever its reasons, this apparent oversight has caused a considerable headache for AAWS and the GSO as a whole, because a large part of their budget comes from literature sales. The projected net income from sales for the year of 2013 was $7,782,800. This figure represents profits after subtracting all costs for royalties, manufacturing and shipping. This money was expected to cover 54% of GSO’s expenses for 2013. The 2013 gross income was budgeted at $95,000 less than 2012—showing a decline in sales, though not a steep one. GSO hoped to compensate by reducing production and distribution costs in order to increase the profit margin.

Although the current laws would have extended the copyright until at least 2021, AAWS must adhere to the laws that were in place when the first and second editions were published. The applicable law, the 1909 Copyright Act, dictates that copyrights must be renewed in writing after 30 years. International copyright laws, on the other…read more at “The Fix”

I validated the claims of this article by researching all day.  Here are some of the verifications.

http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/fair-use-policy  What happened to the triangle in the circle?

Sources http://aa-speakers.com/aa-big-book-copyright/

http://aamo.info/aa/history/mklibrary/openletter.htm

http://www.barefootsworld.net/aacircletriangle.html

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-pamphlet2.html

http://www.silkworth.net/gsowatch/1939/uslaw.htm

THERE IS A GOD AND I’M NOT IT!

WE DO NOT HAVE TO STAY IN DENIAL ABOUT OUR DEFECTS OF CHARACTER, WE DO NOT TAKE INVENTORY TO BEAT OURSELVES UP.  WE DEVELOPED OUR CHARACTER DEFECTS AS AN INSTINCT TO SURVIVE EMOTIONALLY.   WE NOW HAVE THE TOOLS TO CHANGE…BUT FEW CHANGES WILL COME WITHOUT COURAGEOUS SELF-APPRAISAL.

Most parents don’t have any idea what emotional nurturing is.  First instinct when we hear this parental blight is to protect the pack.  The pack are usually the very people (family) who inadvertently taught us to shut down who we really are.  Grave emotional disorder is at the core of addictive personalities.  “Grave disorder(How it Works)” is basically constipated and stifled emotions.  We addicts often  learned how not to cry and how not to share our heart.  We learned to wear a mask and hide who we are so we wouldn’t get hurt.  So we thought.  If your emotions are healthy and happy then why in the hell did you try to drink and drug yourself to death?  Come on now.  Oh right you did it because of an innate gene pool.   Well then for you there could be no cure.  But for those of us who have learned a twisted set of emotional responses and survival tactics.  We can unlearn them.  You can’t swim your way out of a gene pool.

We in AA have identified an array of character defects that are the culprits of our addictive patterns. Among these are the inclination to control everyone and everything around us. Some of us are painfully controlling while others are more passive-aggressive with their scheming. Our defects cause friends and family to run from us like we are ravenous wolves.
Some of us have learned to use other people’s control defect to our advantage. We can passively control others by handing over a certain amount of our own power to them.
Ah yes how we can puff up a gentlemen’s ego by asking him to make our choices for us. Handing over our decision making is a perfect way for a damsel to relinquish responsibility for any consequences of that decision. At the same time, it makes our Knight in shining armor feel so powerful and smart that he is more than willing to help us. The problem is the Knight is weaving his own manipulation, there are many invisible strings attached to his assistance.
When we snatch our power back and the knight inevitably becomes disturbed we will just label him possessive and take out a restraining order. Yikes! Don’t try this at home!
The damsel and the gentlemen is just one example of controlling behavior. We have all seen those who are painfully controlling, they are the one’s running around like directors on a movie screen. When the movie doesn’t play out like they want it to, they promptly fall apart or get very angry and spin around a bit screaming and yelling. Take controlism up another notch and you have obsessive compulsive disorder.
The fact is if resentment is rearing its ugly head you can bet there is a fear at the heart of it. (Pg.417 BB) Getting in touch with one’s own “God syndrome” is important during a fourth step. Once we have established the identity of our controlling side we can use that knowledge in all our tenth steps. Contrary to popular portrayal in The Rooms resentments do crop up and it doesn’t mean we are not “working a program”. People can be ass-holes and they are going to piss us off. Getting a resentment lets us know we are still [feeling] and still sober. Holding on to resentment is dangerous and can result in misery if not checked.
Finding the part of us who wants to play god doesn’t happen for everybody. Some sober people just never get it…the blame game worked for them for so long they are just incapable of trying a healthy solution. You will find them engaging in numerous sick relationships with train wreck break-ups that are never their fault.
The steps are in order for a reason meaning the third step must be done before a fourth will have that supernatural kick. With God’s help the revelation of self will happen during our fourth step.
If we realize our resentments are rooted in wanting to control other adults and the fear that accompanies a of lack of power pg. 45 Big Book then join the club, but consider yourself blessed you already know yourself better than many

“Take it easy, don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy. Lighten up while you still can don’t even try to understand, just find A place and make your stand and take it easy yee ha!” This line has helped me lighten up on myself many times. It is basically saying the same thing to me as the unwritten rule 62 in AA “don’t take yourself so damn seriously!” I gotta say I have never ever cried over the loss of someone I didn’t know personally. But I am crying now. Listen to the song “Take it Easy” and “Hotel California” now.
CLICK TO SEE/HEAR “TAKE IT EASY”

CLICK TO HEAR “HOTEL CALIFORNIA” Hotel California Glenn Frye (front right guitarist), Don Henley, Joe Walsh and the gang.

One of the founding members of the Eagles, Glenn Frey, died today in New York City, his family and bandmates announced on the band’s website.

He was 67.

According to the statement from his loved ones and colleagues, Frey’s death was caused by complications from rheumatoid arthritis, acute ulcerative colitis and pneumonia.

“The Frey family would like to thank everyone who joined Glenn to fight this fight and hoped and prayed for his recovery,” read a statement on the Eagles’ website. “Words can neither describe our sorrow nor our love and respect for all that he has given to us, his family, the music community and millions of fans worldwide.”

A Detroit native, Frey met Don Henley when they were in their 20s and new to the music business. Soon after, they formed the Eagles with Randy Meisner and Bernie Leadon, quickly becoming one of the most popular rock bands of all time, with hits including “Take It Easy,” “Desperado,” and “Hotel California.” (Meisner was replaced by Timothy B. Schmit in 1977 and Joe Walsh took over for Leadon in 1975.) ABC NEWS click here to read entire article abc.com

SANDY BEACH CLICK THE PIC TO HEAR THE AUDIO “DROP THE ROCK”

There’s a great article in the Tampa Times about his life and legacy.  read the Tampa Times article here

Sandy Beach AA Life And Death

FROM THEWATERSHED.COM

THE DEATH OF RICHARD JOHN BEACH

An Alcoholics Anonymous member Randy M. brought Sandy to his last meeting on Sunday night at 7:30 pm. The two were attending their meeting at Palma Ceia Presbyterian Church. The meeting was supposed to have a speaker discuss a step. While Randy went to grab some black coffee for the man, Sandy waited, perhaps looking tired. “I asked him if he was okay,” Randy explained Sandy’s last words. “He looked at me and said, ‘Thanks for bringing me to the meeting, buddy.’” Randy went to grab the man some black coffee and came back hearing his friend abruptly fell forward onto page 23 of the Alcoholics Anonymous literature, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, which ironically just so happened to discuss the first step – the most meaningful one to Sandy. As sad as the man’s death may be, Sandy lived a long life with an inspiring message sent about the gifts that sobriety can bring when you are honesty, open-minded, and willing to recover.

THE GAPING HOLE IN ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

ABOUT 12 STEP PROGRAMS

The only hole in the 12 steps of AA is the lack of empathy by the prerequisite that we are never victims.  The rule (paraphrased see below for full quote) that when there is something bothering us it is always our fault (that we are disturbed) makes way for more shame, guilt, and self punishment.   There is a horrific absence of a way to process abuse, neglect, and emotional trauma.  Emotional hurts and pains are often written off by members as either self-pity or unfounded and selfish character defects.  Furthermore insinuating that emotions are “wrong” says that I as a person am “wrong” because my feelings are a part of me and they emerge from my heart.

pg. 417 BB

“When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept my life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes”

The notion that nothing happens in God’s world by accident, well that would mean we have no free-will and humans are nothing short of robots.  We do not have to go to such extremes to make the point that God works in our lives.  The reason people use extremes in conversation is they have spent a life-time not being heard and feel they must exaggerate to be heard at all.  Understandable.

If there were another set of steps to address the wrongs done to us resulting in deep wounds, and emotional devastation the program would be more successful I believe.  These deep emotional wounds have caused the addict much pain. Pain is the very reason that many of us drank and drugged.  WE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PROCESS EMOTIONAL HURTS RATHER THAN BEING ASHAMED OF OUR VULNERABILITIES AND HIDING THEM AWAY.

Trauma is not an outside issue.  But rather it is THE Issue.  Trauma and emotional disorder is the WHY behind the addiction.

Please don’t hear what I am not saying.  12 step programs are good and have helped millions including myself.   There are some really twisted common belief systems running rampant in AA and NA  .

One common dogma I have seen often is a kind of jealousy over the program.  People will get angry and down right mean if you say that therapy or church or even rehab centers have helped to keep you sober.

We shouldn’t knock supplemental  healing and recovery methods till we’ve tried them.  If people have found “a cure” for addiction and are sharing it who are we to say it’s not successful?  Many  people find answers in places other than AA.  The problem is some addicts who still suffer from low self-worth often attach their own identities to the program.   These insecure addicts seem to think if there is another solution offered other than AA it is a direct reflection on them and not in a good way.

There is an unwritten rule if we don’t wear the identity of ‘sick addict’ or ‘alcoholic, addict’ then our egos will take flight and we will relapse straight away.  If we don’t repeatedly identify ourselves as addicts we will then believe we can drink and drug successfully.  Really, AA and NA are programs designed by addicts, there are bound to be some flaws.  But now advertisements on TV and online are claiming there is a cure.   So the dry drunk AA-er feels put-down by the prospect of a true cure.  The dogma of AA teaches us that the minute we feel cured and no longer need meetings we are sicker than ever.  When really the actual danger lies in the belief that we can drink like normal people.  But alcoholics have an allergy to alcohol that will not disappear except by some rare miracle.

What’s The Cure?

If we truly work the steps, open up in long term therapy, and find our Higher Power we will be cured.  Not cured to drink again, rather cured to not want to drink again, we won’t see drinking as a solution.  Still it’s important also to have fellowship, not necessarily in a program.    Anxiety and depression can be cured as well. Why do so many people get outside help, including Bill W?   We don’t have to fear the word “emotional disorder”. All it means is our healthy emotional process has been stifled.  Often the reason we have stifled it is usually that we were taught at a young age our feelings and processes were wrong. Regaining a healthy emotional process and using it on our most intense past hurts is how we heal core issues and truly recover with God’s help.   It doesn’t mean that AA or Bill W is bad or wrong, it just means that no one taught Bill W this aspect of healing. He was human and did not have all the answers.

Any Negativity is a Character Defect

You don’t take deep pains and hurts and tag them as character defects. That’s absurd and crying is not self pity but rather a key healthy emotional process.  The grieving process starts with feeling the pain not shutting it down.  If we move straight into the “my part (what I did wrong in the past)” and character defects without processing our core pains and hurts of how we were wronged then all we are doing is putting a band-aid on an infected sore.

Why do people scream “OUTSIDE ISSUE” in the rooms whenever someone starts talking about child abuse.  Abuse and neglect are why people become addicts and those who scream “outside issue” the loudest are most likely trying to further repress their own abuse as a child.  People love to sit in the rooms after a horrific bout of drug abuse and swear they had a wonderful childhood.  Many people have no idea what neglect and abuse looks like.  But I guarantee, if these people would actually take meditation seriously and do it on a regular basis, they would most likely remember some form of childhood trauma.

Resentments are never valid-false

All feelings are valid.  Feelings come from our heart, a place of truth.  We get angry for a valid reason.  It’s hanging on to that anger rather than letting it flow out of us in a non harmful way that gets us in trouble and gets us sick with resentment.

Children don’t usually get angry toward adults for no reason at all.  If we were harmed, and many of us were then we are legitimate victims.  Not everything is ‘our fault’ so we mustn’t treat it as if it were.  Sharing our trauma with an understanding and empathic listener who will point out the validity of our hurt and show caring understanding is where the healing begins.   Statements like “I know how you feel”  or “I was abused also and the man is a son of a bitch to do what he did”, shows support, relating, caring and validation.  Empathy not spankings are needed for healing wounds.  And the thing is, many addicts are badly wounded.    Emotional issues are not an outside issue separate from addiction, they are, I believe the biggest reasons behind addiction.

The Paris National AA Convention just took place not  one week prior to the terrorist attack on Paris.

I don’t usually post non-recovery articles but this ISIS thing is completely out of hand and our brothers and sisters who stayed over from the recent convention could have been injured or killed.   The NATIONAL CONGRESS 55th anniversary AA France Paris 2015
SATURDAY 7 AND SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2015 Just happnened.  I hope you join me in prayer for them and all those suffering from this terrorist attack.

Info on the Paris convention

Why is everybody’s profile pic red and blue is a very good question.

France came under attack late Friday Night and we by changing our pro-pic are supporting the French against the machine gun and bombing attacks.  Isis has claimed responsibility for the attack.

Three teams carried out the attacks in the French capital which killed 129 people and left more than 352 wounded, the Paris chief prosecutor says.  Ninety-nine of the wounded are reported in very serious condition, he said.

“We have to find out where they came from… and how they were financed,” Francois Molins, Prosecutor told reporters.

He said seven attackers had been killed, and that all had been heavily armed and wearing explosive belts

ISIS claimed responsibility in an online statement. The statement said eight ISIS militants wearing explosive belts and armed with machine guns attacked precisely selected targets in the French capital.

It was the deadliest terrorist attack in Europe since the Madrid train bombings of 2004, in which 191 people died. And it came less than two weeks after after a Russian plane crashed in Sinai — downed, intelligence officials believe, by a terrorist bomb — killing all 224 people aboard.
CNN-Find out more about the attacks
Mark Zuckerberg turns his profile pic blue and red in support of France, Paris which has come under attack recently
Facebook Safety Check Helps Parisians, Company Responds To Those In Beirut Asking, ‘Why Not Us’
Facebook deployed its Safety Check feature for Paris Saturday morning, making it the first time it was ever used in connection with terrorist attacks.

Zuckerberg’s Support for Paris

Company CEO Mark Zuckerberg shows his support for France by changing his profile photograph.
Paris was the first test of Facebook Inc.’s Safety Check role in helping improve quick communication during acts of terrorism. The company said in a statement Saturday afternoon: “Safety Check is a relatively new feature and until yesterday we had only activated it in the wake of natural disasters. The product will continue to evolve as we learn more about how it’s used during different crises. We hope to never be confronted with a situation like this again, but if we are, we are of course open to activating the tool given how reassuring it has been for people in Paris.”

CLICK HERE TO SEE I.B.T FACEBOOK PROFILE PIC SUPPORT ARTICLE
Story by Laura Edgar
Sources CNN News Online
International Business Times
BBC Interview with Molins procecuter.

“That Ain’t In The Big Book” or” MOST COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS IN A.A.”

I found this article on-line about AA and The Big Book.  I have picked it apart.  It is rich and full of lots of great information.  The red text is my commentary on the article.  There are many misconceptions about whats in the Big Book passed down from generation to generation.  This article clears up many of the most common.   A.A. and prayer are  how I got sober its not perfect and I would not fit in if it were.

The problem with this article found at  http://www.nwarkaa.org/aintinthebook.htm   is that the writer is unable to see that sometimes there are two right answers to one question, it can be both.  Two rights don’t make a wrong.  Not everything is black and white there are circumstances that change therefore reactions change.  The writer is also right about several of his A.A. misconceptions.

That ain’t in the Big Book article starts here,  my comments are in red.

 THAT ISN’T IN THE BOOK! WE HEAR A LOT OF STUFF SAID IN MEETINGS THAT CAN’T BE RECONCILED WITH THE PROGRAM AS DESCRIBED IN THE BIG BOOK OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. WHAT FOLLOWS ARE SOME OF THE THINGS WE OFTEN HEAR, ALONG WITH WHAT THE 1ST EDITION OF OUR BASIC TEXT HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT.  (Some versions of the Big Book will not line up page for page with this article like the 80 year red and yellow cover paperback, however most will)

“Remember your last drunk”

  Page 24, Paragraph 2: “We are unable, at times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.”  (Not a contradiction What Bill is talking about here is when we are still in our disease we are in denial hence:  we block out the bad memories best we can.  )

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“I choose not to drink today”

 Page 24 Paragraph 2: “The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink.”  (Again same thing:  Not a contradiction What Bill is talking about here is when we are still in our disease we have no power of choice but clearly when we work the steps choice returns UNTIL we put alcohol in our bodies and the allergy awakens, then we are slaves once again to the whims of demon alcohol)

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“Play the tape all the way through”

 Page 24, paragraph 3: “The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. I f these thoughts do occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.”  (Once again, once we are sober go through re-hab and are in A.A. we are able to pull up the necessary memories of bad consequences which WILL detour us from the drink.) 

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“Think through the drink”

 Page 43, paragraph 4: “Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.”  Once we are sober we can “play it through” and “go to a meeting” (my guess is this writer is justifying a relapse by the use of the literature and the conception of  powerlessness he is using the Big Book to continue drinking, ironic no doubt remember we addicts are very intuitive and we must justify our actions or the guilt will kill us.)

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“I will always be recovering, never recovered.”

 Title Page: “ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism” (I totally agree with him on this one we absolutely do recover, at least I have.)

Page 20, paragraph 2: “Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body.  (here, here!)

Foreword to the First Edition: “We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.”

Page 29, paragraph 2: “Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered.”

Page 132, paragraph 3: “We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.”

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“We are all just an arms length away from a drink”

Page 84, paragraph 4, “And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither is we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us”

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“I don’t have an alcohol problem, I have a living problem”

 Page xxiv, paragraph 2: “In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete.” (hmm I don’t really see this as a contradiction, I believe in “underlying causes of addiction and the struggle with life on life’s terms why would a living problem be discounted because it’s an allergy.  Again it’s both, I have the allergy that is now in check by staying sober but also I have an underlying emotional disorder which affects my living when sober at times which is fixable by the way”)

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“Don’t drink and go to meetings.”

 Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”  (Come on writer your just fishing for ways to put down the program.  By our support group the 12 steps and meetings we now have a way to not drink and go to meetings.)

Page 34, paragraph 3: “Whether such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not.”  (some are just problem drinkers and can quit)

Page 17, paragraph 2: “Unlike the feelings of the ship’s passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.”(sorry I don’t get the connection here I’m lost on this one writer says it contradicts “don’t drink and go to meetings” Isn’t Bill just saying camaraderie isn’t enough to stay sober?)

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“This is a selfish program” (Totally agree with the writer here.  The program is NOT SELFISH rather it is selfless.  The 12 Steps are built on self-examination and a truthful self-awareness achieved initially by step 3 “Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the THE CARE of God as we understood God”.  Selfish: means: taking from others, I want, want, want give me give me give me now!  Where-as self-examination and self-inventory are humble and are made of humility a spiritual principle that does not fall under the heading of “selfish” this contradiction is based on mistaken definitions and semantics the writer doesn’t know the difference between humility and selfishness, that’s  actually pretty common in AA)

 Page 20, paragraph 1: “Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.”

Page 97, paragraph 2: “Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights’ sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. “

Page 14-15: “For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.”

Page 62, paragraph 2: “Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles”

Page 62, paragraph 3: “So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us!”

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“Meeting makers make it” (Please writer not a contradiction, going to meetings is a vital part of recovery.  And thrown in with the steps and the fellowship it’s all working toward our recovery.  TWO RIGHTS DO NOT MAKE A WRONG!  THEY ARE JUST TWO RIGHTS.  The writer is stuck in the mind-set of false comparisons and competitiveness.  As if recovery was a math test that only has one possible correct answer to every question.  Recovery questions often have several good  and correct answers.  That’s the epitome of the open-minded knowing there can be several right answers and many good things to do.)  And often where relapse is concerned “the good can be the enemy of the best in early recovery.  If I neglect working the steps and going to meetings to go to work or spend time with my children…seems good right?   After all how could anyone tell me not to spend time with my children who I neglected for so long?  Early recovery is not the time for good deeds, often good deeds are the precise sabotage our disease will use to make us relapse.)

 Page 59, paragraph 3: “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery”

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“I’m powerless over people, places and things”  (Agreed)  I have choices and power the power to heal and the power to hurt and much more.  Otherwise I am a leaf in the wind.)  We doubtful never were 100% powerless I said 100%.

 Page 132, paragraph 3: “We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.”

Page 122, paragraph 3: ” Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. “

Page 82, paragraph 4: “The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough.”

Page 89, paragraph 2: “You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail.”

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“You’re in the right place” (Ok some people don’t belong in AA)

 Page 20-21: “Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason – ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor – becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.”

Page 31, paragraph 2: ” If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him.”

Page 31-32: “We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.”

Page 108-109: “Your husband may be only a heavy drinker. His drinking may be constant or it may be heavy only on certain occasions. Perhaps he spends too much money for liquor. It may be slowing him up mentally and physically, but he does not see it. Sometimes he is a source of embarrassment to you and his friends. He is positive he can handle his liquor, that it does him no harm, that drinking is necessary in his business. He would probably be insulted if he were called an alcoholic. This world is full of people like him. Some will moderate or stop altogether, and some will not. Of those who keep on, a good number will become true alcoholics after a while.”

Page 92, paragraph 2: “If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic”

Page 95, paragraph 4: “If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience.”

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“If an alcoholic wants to get sober, nothing you say can make him drink.” (Sure our words affect people and we are affected by others words, false pride loves to say different because we often learn that it’s weak or inferior to allow a person to effect our emotions but hey, we can harden our hearts by blocking people out and not letting them close .  Or we can try to guard over our hearts but usually that just amounts to a big pot of denial.  We are human and we are supposed to be affected.  We have emotions and that we are powerless over but if we work the steps we can heal and become way less prone to feelings of inferiority and fear which trigger hurt then anger then wrath and resentment.)

 Page 103, paragraph 2: “A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.”

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“We must change playmates, playgrounds, and playthings”  Again this is more vital during early recovery things change we change when we have some program in us.

 Page 100-101: “Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so. We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!”

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“I’m a people pleaser. I need to learn to take care of myself”  People pleaser’s don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, we/they want people to like them and maybe fear people not liking them   It doesn’t mean that we are always being a self-seeker however the words “human” and “self-seeker” are synonymous to an extent.   If not, the human race wouldn’t survive.  We must be self-seeking to survive.  But we also help others.  Is it not possible that both are present and even necessary during certain actions…of coarse it is.  We give and we take.  The program is a giving and a taking program they are both right.  Service and step 12 is giving and step 2, 3, and 11 are taking or a better word is “receiving”.  We counsel others and then we receive counsel  or suggestions same thing both right.  In meetings we take what we need.  We also give in meetings when we share.  Why would it have to be only one way?  Who made that rule?

 Page 61, paragraph 2:”Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind?”

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“Don’t drink, even if your ass falls off.”   (again with the program we an “not drink” I am not sure why the writer saw this as a bullshit cliche’ except he is fishing to make something wrong and I can totally relate to that.  Sometimes I am just in that negative mind-set, our writer may be doing very well in his/her recovery right now.  This article does not make him a bad person he may have moved on quite well after this article.  idk  We should not harshly judge a man by one article.)

 Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”

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“I haven’t had a drink today, so I’m a complete success today.” ( or the way I always hear it is “I didn’t drink today so today is a good day!”  I agree with our writer:  total bull shit.  Do people really believe this?  However in all open-mindedness.  That cliché is used for people in early recovery who need badly to feel better and this is a splendid justification of everything they have done up and until the point that they say it.  It’s all good, everything is OK, its kind of a reassuring statement that we are not going to fall apart and that our feelings at the time are not going to define or kill us so, “bullshit “as it may be it helps people and that’s OK by me.  Why the opinion you might ask?  Because I am a realist who has had plenty of shitty days, great days, and fair days sober so please after 10 years you will most likely agree with me. There are bad days, good days and average days it’s called “balance” emotional balance.  Then again, it all depends on your definition of a “good day”.  One man’s truth is another man’s bullshit.  And one thing certain some AAers lover to re-define the English language.  So good day does not mean good day any more it actually now means “sober day.”  People die, people o.d, people betray, people hurt, kill and cuss you out not every day will be a good day and if we believe that story we are setting ourselves up for failure.  Comparing other peoples outsides to my insides.  Why am I not happy joyous and free all the time like Hugo portrays?  I must not be working my program right.  What’s wrong with me?  You catch my drift?  That’s why our sometimes closed minded writer put this one on his  list.

 Page 19, paragraph 1: “The elimination of drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.”

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“It’s my opinion that…” or “I don’t know anything about the Big Book, but this is the way I do it…” (False humility- the act of dishonest and degrading statements about one’s self which we know are not true) Have you read the Big Book and worked the steps?  Then you have something to offer don’t you.  Please don’t pretend you don’t.  Humility-Awareness of one’s own flaws of character as patterns/ with this knowledge and the tools we can avoid committing our old patterns of character flaws. hence steps 6 & 7

 Page 19, paragraph 1: “We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem.”

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“Don’t drink, no matter what.” (Our writer has resorted to Sarcasm–the inability to communicate on an honest level for fear if we reveal our true self and we won’t be liked. so we have learned to communicate with untruths) Sarcasm is rarely literal or true.  He knew what Bill meant by this and is pretending he doesn’t.  Yes we came to AA to stay sober so we are encouraged to not drink and encourage others to not drink no matter what.  If a man doesn’t know if he is alcoholic then he can try the test of limiting his drinking. 

Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”

Page 31, paragraph 4: “We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.”

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“We need to give up planning, it doesn’t work.”

 Page 86, paragraphs 3-4: “On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.”

“You don’t need a shrink. You have an alcoholic personality. All you will ever need is in the first 164 pages of the Big Book.”

 Page 133, 2nd paragraph: “But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies. Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward.”

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“AA is the only way to stay sober.”  (God, thereapy, and AA)  All work)

 Page 95, paragraph 4: If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us.

Page 164, paragraph 3: “ Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little.”

“My sponsor told me that, if in making an amend I would be harmed, I could consider myself as one of the ‘others’ in Step Nine.”

Page 79, paragraph 2 “Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences might be.”

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“I need to forgive myself first” or “You need to be good to yourself” (Do both not a contradiction.  Bill is only guilty of using poor grammatical wording here.  Hard on ourself meaning be honest in our self-appraisal and ALWAYS considerate of ourself and others.)

 Page 74, paragraph 2 “ The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.”

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“Take what you want and leave the rest”  ??

 Page 17, paragraph 3: “The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.”

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“Just do the next right thing”  More fishing come on.  Do the next right thing and also get guidance.

 Page 86, paragraph 4: ” We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision.”

Page 87, paragraph 1: ” Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas.”

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“Don’t make any major decisions for the first year”  Ok there is an exception to every rule.

 Page 60, paragraph 4: “(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. (b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. (c) That God could and would if He were sought. Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him.”

Page 76, paragraph 2: “When ready, we say something like this: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” We have then completed Step Seven.”

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“Stay out of relationships for the first year!”  I like this one I am in agreement.

Page. 69, paragraph 1: “We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct.”

Page 69, paragraph 3: “In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come if we want it.

Page 69, paragraph 4: “God alone can judge our sex situation.”

Page 69-70:”Counsel with other persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge.”

Page 70, Paragraph 2: “We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing.”

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“Alcohol was my drug of choice”  sarcasm again, the loss of choice is when the obsession is active when we are actively drinking.

 Page 24, paragraph 2: “The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink.”

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“Keep coming back, eventually it will rub off on you”  the “rub off” is that if we keep going to meetings something may eventually click and we will become willing to do the suggestions.

 Page 64, Paragraph 1: “Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us”

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“Ninety Meetings in Ninety Days”  Chronologically impossible back in the day.  Not enough meetings.

 Page 15, paragraph 2: “We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek.”

Page 19, paragraph 2: “None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did.”

Page 59, paragraph 3: “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery”

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“You only work one step a year” “Take your time to work the steps”  I never heard this one.  I worked the steps in full formally once a year for the first 6 years.

 Page 569, paragraph 3: What often takes place in a few months can hardly be brought about by himself alone.”

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Page 63, paragraph3: “Next we launched on a course of vigorous action.”  Writer totally took this one out of context.

Page 74, paragraph 2: “If that is so, this step may be postponed, only, however, if we hold ourselves in complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity”

Page 75, paragraph 3: “Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for AN HOUR, carefully reviewing what we have done.”

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“Make sure to put something good about yourself in your 4th step inventory.”  Yes,  he’s right that’s not what an inventory is for.  However I have  heard people lie about their clean time repeatedly saying “all I have is today” when they have years of sobriety.  Is it true that we only have one day sober or not?   We are not helping the new-comer by saying that we only have one day sober if we really have 5 years.  We do not have the right to re-define the English language or to lie in the name of false pride.  Please false humility thinks it has to cut itself down and deny any good thing about itself  or its considered vain and conceited.  Emotionally balanced people don’t lie about their good qualities and put themselves down to make themselves look good.  (God that is so ironic.)  SO we should not lie about our good qualities.  We don’t brag thats another animal all together.   It’s almost like many AAers think that if they admit any good thing about themselves they will fall prey to false pride and get drunk immediately.   What are the motives?  Be truthful.  Show the newcomers that things do get better not just in speaker meetings  are we permitted to mention our clean date and accomplishments.  The “I don’t know shit” routine doesn’t wear well on people put in a position to teach, lead , and sponsor.  We are building self esteem,  every time I lie about who I am and what I have accomplished it’s a step in the other direction working the other principles.  I confess that I sometimes mention my own accomplishments fishing for some validation and encouragement that I am doing well.  I get very little of that and my self esteem does sometimes revert to feeling bad or low or wrong, I have my patterns as well which get revealled when we work steps 4-7.  That is a quick fifth step to the world.

Page 64 paragraph 3 “First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure.”

Page 67 paragraph 3 “The inventory was ours, not the other man’s. When we saw our faults we listed them.”

Page 71 paragraph 1 “If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning.”

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“You need to stay in those feelings and really feel them.”  Bottom line intense feelings need to be explored.  They come from somewhere in our past trauma or they are triggered by character flaws developed in our past from either emotional neglect or abuse or trauma.  These core issues produce feelings that we want to bury, numb, deny, deflect, or blame others for.  Some feelings should be ignored others need explored and expressed by crying, screaming, moaning, guttural sounds. or they will not heal.  Sobriety brings them up in an orderly fashion.  Women more than men (I guess) need to talk them through and connect them to their core occurances.  What happened and how did it make me feel?  Journaling first makes talking about it easier.  We are a people with deep shame issues.   The experts say addiction is a shame based disease.  Every healthy AAer I know has had therapy at which time they opened up about these past issues and feelings and actions they were ashamed of.

 Page 84, paragraph 2: “When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.”

1. 125 paragraph 1 “So we think that unless some good and useful purpose is to be served, past occurrences should not be discussed.” Whatever bill was talking about here will not change my experience with this topic.  Nobody wants to go back there I get it but when depression and anxiety get to be too much just know expression with an empathic listener is the key to healing and God.  Panic attack are from pent up unexpressed tears and there are some feelings that are so deep tears will not touch them that’s why I say guttural sounds.  I am so sorry for your pain.  My email is info@recoveryfarmhouse.com feel free to email me but put “ATTENTION LORI” in the subject.  

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“There are no musts in this program.”  self explanatory

 Now look at all the good we or I got out of this seemingly insulting article putting down A.A. :)

 Page 99, paragraph 1: “it must be done if any results are to be expected.”

Page 99, paragraph 2: “we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree.”

Page 99, paragraph 3: “it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work.”

Page 83, paragraph 1: “Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead.”

Page 83, paragraph 2: “We must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone.”

Page 74, paragraph 1: “Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is to receive it.”

Page 74, paragraph 2: “The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.”

Page 75, paragraph 1: ” But we must not use this as a mere excuse to postpone.”

Page 85, paragraph 3: “But we must go further and that means more action.”

Page 85, paragraph 2: “Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.”

Page 85, paragraph 2: “These are thoughts which must go with us constantly.”

Page 80, paragraph 1: ” If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink.”

Page 14, paragraph 2: “I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.”

Page 62, paragraph 3: “Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!”

Page 144, paragraph 3: “The man must decide for himself.”

Page 89, paragraph 2: “To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends – this is an experience you must not miss.”

Page 33, paragraph 3: “If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind”

Page 79, paragraph 2: “We must not shrink at anything.”

Page 86, paragraph 2: “But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.”

Page 120, paragraph 2: “he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive.”

Page 152, paragraph 2: “I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I?”

Page 95, paragraph 3: “he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on”

Page 95, paragraph 3: “If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.”

Page 159, paragraph 3: “Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary.”

Page 156, paragraph 3: “Both saw that they must keep spiritually active.”

Page 130, paragraph 2: “that is where our work must be done.”

Page 82, paragraph 3: “Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn’t.”

Page 143, paragraph 2: “he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart”

Page 69, paragraph 4: “Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it.”

Page 69, paragraph 4: “We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm”

Page 44, paragraph 3: “we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life – or else.”

Page 78, paragraph 3: “We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them.”

Page 93, paragraph 3: “To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action.”

Page 43, paragraph 4: “His defense must come from a Higher Power.”

Page 66, paragraph 4: “We saw that these resentments must be mastered”

Page 146, paragraph 4: “For he knows he must be honest if he would live at all.”

Page 73, paragraph 5: “We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world.”

But Remember… “When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions.” page 144, paragraph 3